Which World Am I In Again?
I never planned for this spring and summer to be so difficult. But does anyone ever? It isn’t as though people pencil in traumas on their calendars or dutifully schedule major losses.
I never planned for this spring and summer to be so difficult. But does anyone ever? It isn’t as though people pencil in traumas on their calendars or dutifully schedule major losses.
My mother said once that I have a hard time getting over things because I have a good memory. “If you could only just forget, you’d feel better. Forgetting helps us let go of the pain.”
“How are you doing?” hits differently when you’re grieving.
In mindfulness work, they talk a lot about how emotions are visitors. They come and they go. And no matter how intense the feeling is, it eventually lifts.
I’m so proud of myself today. Because I’m doing a good job living without you. Even though at first I didn’t think I could do it. I didn’t see a way that I could make it without you.
“You know,” my mother says, “you don’t have to worry about me getting a boyfriend. Nothing like that.” She shakes her head. “Your father was it for me.”
Sometimes the bigger griefs, the universal ones, are too much to bear. I find I go numb when confronted with them. But the little griefs? The longing for missing conversations? Well, that’s able to slip right in past my defenses.
Sometimes I get really frustrated… because I like you so much more than I planned to.
Today I cried because the tip of my right shoe split open. My reaction took me by surprise. Wasn’t expecting that.
If Buddy the cockatiel can find a new normal in the face of major loss, so can I.