Concept creep has to be one of my biggest pet peeves.
What’s concept creep? It’s pretty much what it sounds like. Concept creep occurs when a concept that originally meant something very specific later comes to encompass a much broader set of unrelated, or only loosely related, phenomena.
Psychology has been particularly plagued by concept creep. » Read more
I keep meticulous records. It’s something I normally do very quietly and subtly. Most people don’t notice. Really, only if you’re living with me and are paying attention is it evident.
I’m told it’s a bit unnerving, like a therapist who’s writing with a fury while you spill your deepest and darkest secrets in session. » Read more
“We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.”
I can still remember the way Kurt’s eyes would turn. Silver, flinty flashes.
“There’s a war out there,” Kurt would say. » Read more
Much has been made recently of gaslighting, and it’s a very important concept to keep track of, boundary policing being of paramount importance especially in those who have multiple relationships. Here’s a good essay on gaslighting: http://www.polyamorousmisanthrope.com/2011/11/02/on-gasslighting/
Briefly: Gaslighting is a form of manipulation in which the target is continually forced to question their own sanity. » Read more
Something I see a lot in my professional travels are people who want to be supportive to a partner who’s struggling but don’t want to be “an enabler.” This is a tricky distinction for a lot of people, and our cultural false dichotomy that you are either enabling them with support OR vilifiying them and throwing them to the wolves doesn’t help matters (the intervention as paradigm has socially modeled this, » Read more
The hardest part about becoming a person who has standards is that
a) I’m now capable of being disappointed by other people in situations that do not involve gross mistreatment/neglect
b) I have almost no experience in dealing with the feelings that come from people disappointing me in minor ways. » Read more
Run, don’t walk, away from the Jedi Dom.
The Jedi Dom is a peculiar creature. He purposely misconstrues your words and intents by wrongly rephrasing what you say whenever the two of you communicate. He does this as often as possible, at every opportunity, gently implying that you mean something you don’t, testing your mental endurance, » Read more
I was in a relationship for many years where whenever I asked for any assistance, albeit with finances, chores, or emotional support, I was told that I was abusive and a burden and responsible for causing his depression by “being such a bitch.”
I was told that even bringing up the topic of sex or attempting seduction more than once or twice a week was sexual coercion and attempted rape and that I was guilty of repeated habitual sexual assault by baring my breasts unprompted or touching him without invitation to do so – » Read more
Gaslighting: A common form of brainwashing in which an abuser tries to falsely convince the victim that the victim is defective, for any purpose whatsoever, such as making the victim more pliable and easily controlled, or making the victim more emotional and therefore more needy and dependent.
Here is an excellent article on gaslighting that details how insidious and innocent-seeming these manipulations can seem, » Read more
Even though I’ve recently set up this public blog presence of my charmed life and kinky times, I’ve been posting introspection and navel-gazing on predominantly kinky topics on Fetlife for some time. Fetlife (fetish + life, get it?), or Fet/FL as a lot of users call it, is social network for kinky people – essentially Facebook for kinksters, » Read more