“Aren’t you upset?” they said “Don’t you expect your friend to take your side?”
I shook my head no. “No, not automatically. Not if they don’t agree with me or what I’m doing.”
Blind Loyalty and Self-Satisfaction
I think a lot about loyalty. It’s often put forth as a virtue, right up there with honesty. » Read more
Sometimes people ask me how I got into writing books about relationships, blogging for a large audience, giving advice.
People always seem to be hoping for some backstory in which I had some kind of grand vision. In which I shot forward with the unbridled determination of an activist and an ideologue for kink and non-monogamy. » Read more
I’ve gotten asked enough times how I started out blogging for a wide audience. I wish I had a better origin story. That I’d gotten bitten by something radioactive. Or that someone swooped down from the sky and knighted me or something.
But it isn’t that colorful.
In all honesty, I was the advice friend. » Read more
It’s a funny thing, being a kinkster. Because the kink scene brings people together who might otherwise never meet. I know people from every walk of life. Baristas who are just graduating from college and still living with their parents. Middle aged doctors, lawyers, executives. Retired small business owners. Everyone in between.
And I’ve reliably found that it’s how many friends I have — » Read more
It should have come as no surprise that she would be absolutely terrible as a metamour.
Because she had one of the most clear tells for possessiveness that I’ve ever seen: She was always accusing people of “stealing” her friends.
I tried to give her the benefit of the doubt here, » Read more
It probably should have been a bigger early warning sign when I started dating my first husband. But he really didn’t like my friends.
“Why?” I asked him. “Why don’t you like them?”
He answered this with a shrug. “I just don’t,” he said. “I don’t like spending time around them.” » Read more
“It’s not the drugs,” Kurt said. “It’s the people you meet because of the drugs.”
He was a heavy user and had been for some time. Like many people, when I first met him, I’d pegged him for an addict. Assumed that his use was as simple as that, biochemical dependency. » Read more
I’ve been following your writings and came across something in your “Wedding & Exes” piece. I’m looking for a bit of advice.
In that piece, you mentioned a study which says that poly people are more likely to not cut off communication from their exes versus monogamous people. » Read more
It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.
I tell him that I don’t feel good. That I feel like something’s chasing me.
I’m not always great at knowing the words for the symptoms I’m having, » Read more
As a person who has been polyamorous for quite a while now, I’m sometimes asked by others how it’s different. And I suppose if you break it down, there are a lot of little differences that stem from within me. Things that tend to bother other people really don’t bother me. I’ve lost all sense of outrage regarding what are popularly regarded as “ » Read more