Go Ahead and Date Your Friends, But Break Up Well

Green background with this text in black letters "Computer dating's OK, if you're a computer. -Rita Mae Brown"
Image by Brett Jordan / CC BY

It’s a common rule that a lot of people have when they open up their relationships: No friends.

It’s likely one of those carryovers from traditional dating wisdom. Don’t date friends because most relationships break up, and if you break up with someone, you’re likely to ruin the friendship.

But my dirty secret: I nearly always date friends.  » Read more

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Last week was pretty excellent. Beginning of the week, we spent one evening hang/cuddle/flirting with our super rad lesbian couple friends. And then since Spooky was out of town for a few days at a conference, I managed some quality alone/cat time before going out to a bar with a friend that I hadn’t seen for some time and was able to meet new people that she knows.  » Read more

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Pragmatically Chosen Family: A Checklist

  • A friend who does a fantastic “bitch face”
  • A friend who is a lawyer, works for a lawyer, or has general legal savvy
  • Someone who is hilarious when you get a few drinks into them
  • A friend with much better fashion sense than you have
  • Someone with fabulous taste in shoes who shares your shoe size
  • An expert in navigating public transportation
  • Someone with excellent proofreading skills
  • Someone who will tell you that you’re not crazy to feel a certain way when you really need someone to
  • Someone not afraid to tell you “no”
  •   » Read more

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Haters Gonna Hate

“Keep your eye on the intuitions, and don’t take people’s moral arguments at face value. They’re mostly post hoc constructions made up on the fly, crafted to advance one or more strategic objectives.”

-Jonathan Haidt, The Righteous Mind: Why Good People are Divided by Politics and Religion

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A month or so ago,  » Read more

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“I’ve Never Told Anyone This Before, But…”

Nothing gives me more pleasure than hearing those words. I know I’m about to hear something good and usually quite interesting.

It’s happened with multiple people, scads of friends – and even my therapist (!) of all people. We’ll be talking, and all of a sudden the conversation triggers them to share something they’ve never admitted to another person –  » Read more

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