It’s a strange morning. I’ve been pedaling hard for weeks. Sometimes when you’re working this hard, it’s because you’ve got your eye on the prize. You’re going somewhere in a hurry. Working towards a specific goal puts a fire in your belly and you go go go.
But there are other times when you work just as hard not because you’re working towards something — » Read more
I think a lot about fear and selfishness. This is partly because no matter how hard I try, I can’t escape my own. Not completely. No matter how much my higher brain tries to override those impulses, there’s something else that lives within me that’s primitive, ever-present.
And sometimes it’s screaming like Hell. » Read more
I have a routine every time I take out the trash. Because the trash goes to a shared recycling center. One that other people in my apartment building use.
I put on a new set of clothes. Open shared doors not with my hands but by using my shirt sleeve wrapped around the handle. » Read more
It’s late. We should already be in bed. But you’re working yet another long day. Doing your best to help. Like always. That’s always been you. No matter what, you feel better if you’re engaged, if you’re doing something. And especially if you’re helping.
It comes out in little ways, in everyday life. » Read more
“What you do,” he said, “is just lie there with your thoughts. Don’t judge them. Just let them happen. Let yourself feel everything you’re feeling. Think everything you’re thinking. Without distraction.”
He didn’t call it mindfulness then. I wouldn’t learn that word until much later. From someone else.
Instead, my first fraught dance with my own mind wouldn’t have a name. » Read more
“God, stop trapping me!” he says. It’s very loud. He’s raising his voice.
I’m starting to feel very small. Very scared.
“Trapping you?” I say. “I just asked you a question.”
“A trick question,” he says.
I’m honestly confused, have no idea what he’s talking about. » Read more
“You know what my ultimate polyamorous nightmare would be?” I say to him.
“What’s that?” he replies.
“That you’d be dating this woman who you are just crazy about. And who is nice to me when you’re around, but the moment you turn your back, she starts being actively terrible to me. » Read more
“I have this one friend who’s always getting on me for having an open marriage,” she says.
“Been there,” I say.
“Really?” she says. “What happened?”
“With just that one friend or the others?”
“There was more than one?” she asks.
“Of course. » Read more
PQ 21.2 — When I am faced with conflict, how do I seek to act with courage?
Sometimes the courageous move is standing up and advocating for yourself. Defending the boundaries you’ve set. Fighting for your own rights.
And sometimes the braver move is taking a step back and gracefully bowing out. » Read more
I didn’t open up my marriage over a decade ago with an eye toward exploring kink. But that’s nonetheless what happened. After about a year of dating polyamorously, I eventually ended up with a girlfriend who knew some folks in the kink scene and had a strong kinky streak herself.
It was a surprising turn of events at the time. » Read more