“You know what my ultimate polyamorous nightmare would be?” I say to him.
“What’s that?” he replies.
“That you’d be dating this woman who you are just crazy about. And who is nice to me when you’re around, but the moment you turn your back, she starts being actively terrible to me. » Read more
“I have this one friend who’s always getting on me for having an open marriage,” she says.
“Been there,” I say.
“Really?” she says. “What happened?”
“With just that one friend or the others?”
“There was more than one?” she asks.
“Of course. » Read more
PQ 21.2 — When I am faced with conflict, how do I seek to act with courage?
Sometimes the courageous move is standing up and advocating for yourself. Defending the boundaries you’ve set. Fighting for your own rights.
And sometimes the braver move is taking a step back and gracefully bowing out. » Read more
I didn’t open up my marriage over a decade ago with an eye toward exploring kink. But that’s nonetheless what happened. After about a year of dating polyamorously, I eventually ended up with a girlfriend who knew some folks in the kink scene and had a strong kinky streak herself.
It was a surprising turn of events at the time. » Read more
Well it’s good to know I can count on you to stab me in the back, the first text read.
The texts kept on coming. A flurry.
The finishing move: It’s just another case of make one friend, lose three.
I shook my head, » Read more
It’s usually one of first things you’re asked when someone finds out that you’re polyamorous: “But don’t you get jealous?” I get asked it a lot. And one of the most important realizations I had was that jealousy isn’t really an emotion.
If anything, jealousy is a system of emotions. » Read more
PQ 8.7 — Do I think that if my partner has sex with someone “better in bed” than I am, she won’t want to have sex with me anymore or won’t need me anymore?
Skyspook comes home from his date, glowing. I know what he’s been up to. Because he’s got that “shimmer” » Read more
PQ 7.7 — What do I do to make sure it’s safe for my partners to communicate with me, and to let them know it’s safe?
The issue at the heart of today’s question is near and dear to my heart. As I wrote in PQ 4.5, » Read more
Is there a way to feel safe in poly? Right now I feel like I can only get that “security” being in a monogamous relationship. But I’m drawn to poly.
Yes, there is. It’s not instant, and it takes a lot of self-work, but with sustained practice, you can foster a sense of personal security. » Read more
“We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.”
I can still remember the way Kurt’s eyes would turn. Silver, flinty flashes.
“There’s a war out there,” Kurt would say. » Read more