Turns Out a Lot of Friends With Benefits Want the Connection to Turn Romantic

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Ah, the friends with benefits (FWB) relationship… Just invoking it can cause sharp reactions in people. The label has a rather storied history, one that can be quite divisive, with many people saying they’d never pursue one and other people saying it’s a form of connection they prefer.

Still others say that they don’t do friends with benefits and go on to describe a situation that sounds remarkably like a traditional FWB setup,  » Read more

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There’s Something Magical About That Person Who Raises Your Standards

a burgundy stoneware cup of coffee on a saucer with a spoon next to it. In the foam of the latte is a heart
Image by EMILIE RHAUPP / CC BY

I’ve Been Drinking Coffee Since I Was Nine

I drink the best coffee now. Kona beans ground and brewed in a two-in-one machine. The results splashed with heavy cream. Even holding the cup is a familiar kind of comfort. The warmth radiating through my entire hand.

I’m married to someone who doesn’t even drink coffee,  » Read more

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Disappointment Lives in the Space Between Fantasy and Reality

a concrete train platform. It has the following stamped on it in blue letters "BEWARE GAP WHEN BOARDING"
Image by Laurence Grayson / CC BY

Every fall into love involves the triumph of hope over self-knowledge. We fall in love hoping we won’t find in another what we know is in ourselves, all the cowardice, weakness, laziness, dishonesty, compromise, and stupidity. We throw a cordon of love around the chosen one and decide that everything within it will somehow be free of our faults.  » Read more

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Anxiety Says, “Save Often. You Never Know When There Will Be a Boss Fight.”

a person wearing a Moogle costume (from the Final Fantasy series). Moogles are fuzzy white creatures with a big red nose and a big red ball on top of their head connected by a flexible wire (kind of like a single antenna with a ball on it)
Image by Andrew Evans / CC BY

For a while I was really into Let’s Play videos, playthroughs of games accompanied by the gamer’s color commentary. The best LPs are hilarious, and oddly like hanging out with a friend who is both wittier and better at games than you are.

“Page, you could never do a Let’s Play,” my friend John told me.  » Read more

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PQ 5.11 — What do I expect of others, and why?

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Image by Ben Husmann / CC BY

PQ 5.11 — What do I expect of others, and why?

Here are a few pieces I’ve written about the tricky nature of expectations:

  1. You Get What You Expect, Kinda: Resilient People Aren’t Always Positive
  2. Happy Poly-Days, Because for Some? Holidays Are Basically the Worst
  3. It’s Not a Cure-All: 8 Things Polyamory Doesn’t Fix

I’ve learned to not expect a lot of people.  » Read more

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You Get What You Expect, Kinda: Resilient People Aren’t Always Positive

a piece of looseleaf paper that says in cursive "hegel. merde." with a pen lying next to it
Image by Margherita Puzzo / CC BY

I Try Smiling

“You get what you expect,” the instructor says.

It’s my first day of community college. We’re sitting in a small room with desks that are at least 30 years old. Mine has vaguely letter-like shapes carved into it. What it says is illegible. It’s a pity, really.  I want somewhere to put my eyes because my anxiety is in rare form.  » Read more

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PQ 2.8 — What happens if I connect with someone in a way that differs from how I want my poly relationship to look? What message does that send to someone who doesn’t fit neatly into my dreams?

a bunch of red apples with 1 green one on top, different than the others
Image by Ines Hegedus-Garcia / CC BY

PQ 2.8 — What happens if I connect with someone in a way that differs from how I want my poly relationship to look? What message does that send to someone who doesn’t fit neatly into my dreams?

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“I’ve been thinking,” I tell him. “That maybe when I get into town full time,  » Read more

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