It’s been a while since we’ve talked. Long enough that you don’t seem familiar to me anymore when we start talking. I can’t quite anticipate the rhythm of your words, your pauses, and find an easy place to dance with you in it.
I keep guessing and guessing wrong.
Which is wild to me. » Read more
It’s been a weird sea change for me the past few years, building up an online presence. It wasn’t like this at all in the past. I worked on the sidelines of publishing, mostly as an editor at some literary magazines with occasional publications in little magazines that nobody really read. Won some writing awards only a handful of people cared about (but which did help me pay my rent, » Read more
Can you learn to be polyamorous? the reader asks.
Yes, you can.
Well, sort of.
Because so much of the work I did in my early days as a polyamorous person wasn’t about learning polyamory but about unlearning what I’d been taught about relationships. » Read more
Having gone through plenty of breakups myself, I can tell you firsthand that they can be a real bummer. Whether you were dumped or the one who initiated it. And even when it’s mutual.
When it’s over, it can be easy to question yourself. I don’t know how many times I’ve heard people wonder post-breakup: Was I really in love? » Read more
I’ve been married twice, but until recently I had never been asked to be in a wedding that wasn’t my own. You could say I was always a bride, never a bridesmaid. But in the past few months, I received news that this is about to change.
First, I was asked to be a bridesmaid in what will arguably be one of the most polyamorous weddings I’ve ever been to, » Read more
PQ 22.5 — Have I ever spread bitterness in the community or set people against each other by taking sides or by not keeping confidences?
In order to better understand the context of this question, I reviewed Chapter 22 of More than Two and found the following:
As elsewhere in poly relationships, » Read more
I’ve changed a lot over the years. I used to think that when you loved someone it meant that their fears took precedence over your own. And that you should do anything to keep from hurting them.
I still have an old journal from my first semester at college (1999). It has a fabric yellow cover, » Read more
Last night I dreamed we got back together. We were still us, but everything had changed. You’d forgiven me for what you thought you couldn’t. And I was just so relieved that you were talking to me again. I didn’t think past your forgiveness. I didn’t think about what would come next. The likelihood that we’d just slip into the same patterns that doomed us before. » Read more
It doesn’t feel great to admit, but I used to bitterly dislike anyone my current partner had dated in the past. This boiled down to five reasons. The first four of these were fairly conscious reasons, ones I was aware of. The fifth one, not so much. Here they are: » Read more
1. They hurt my partner.
Maybe it should have told me more than it did, that we liked the same band — but for completely different reasons.
He was attracted to the drama of their music. The dynamics, especially the highs. When he sang along, it was a form of emotional expression he couldn’t get anywhere else. A vessel for his unacceptable feelings. » Read more