I grew up in a pretty busy house, one of four children.
And while we were fortunate that our parents brought us home a Nintendo Entertainment System in the 80s (complete with a zapper light gun and a running pad for the track and field game), we were unfortunate in another way:
We had to share it. » Read more
She’s holding her phone, scrolling through Facebook. She groans at something she sees. “Guess it’s time to snooze their posts for a while again.”
Snooze is a feature she uses a lot, allowing her not to see content from the person in question for 30 days. She’s found it extraordinarily useful ever since Facebook implemented it. » Read more
My second book, a quickstart guide for people looking to open up their relationships (especially geeky couples), is almost done. The beta readers have given their feedback, and I’m fixing the final draft as we speak so that Skyspook can finish the layout. Eeeeee! So exciting! Coming soon — don’t worry, you won’t miss it. » Read more
“When someone is crying, of course, the noble thing to do is to comfort them. But if someone is trying to hide their tears, it may also be noble to pretend you do not notice them.”
I look at my phone when we pull into port. » Read more
“I’d be okay with you getting a girlfriend. But no other dudes, okay?” he says.
“Okay,” she says. Outwardly, she smiles. She’s glad to have the freedom to pursue other women.
But as soon as he leaves the room, her smile starts to fade. She’s not sure what, but something doesn’t feel quite right. » Read more
Emotional Labor Is a Choice
“What’s today’s post about?” he asks me.
“It’s about how polyamory can mean having to quickly shift gears emotionally,” I say. “Like when you have a good date with one partner and come home to another partner who is having a bad night and needs consoling. » Read more
When I look at beautiful things now, I don’t wonder at the talent that must have produced it. Instead, I think of the stress that it probably took.
What happened behind the scenes? How many nights were spent sleepless? Exactly how heavy was the weight of the artist’s head in their hand?
The most beautiful things in life often come with very hidden and very private costs. » Read more
crumple zone: noun
a section of an automobile body designed to absorb the force of an impact in order to protect the passengers (Merriam-Webster)
a part of a motor vehicle, especially the extreme front end and rear, designed to crumple easily in a crash and absorb the main force of an impact (Google)
I’ve written a few times about polyamory and emotional labor:
I’m yet to find a polyamorous relationship system that extends beyond a few folks that hasn’t occasionally run into these patterns of uneven one-sided emotional labor. » Read more
When polyamory is good, it’s very good indeed. And when it’s not? When it’s bad, it’s horrid.
Whether you’re polyamorous, monogamous, or somewhere in between, here are some relationship red flags to look out for:
1. Your partner is putting you in double binds.
A double bind is when a person sends out two different messages, » Read more
Emotional Labor, the Plight of the Unpaid Therapist
People have been talking more and more the past few years about emotional labor, the unpaid stress that people acting as caregivers endure by providing emotional support to others. This isn’t limited to just the workplace, however. Women in particular are disproportionately expected in their personal lives (even with strangers) to manage our own emotions in a way that makes whoever we are talking with comfortable, » Read more