Misery Loves Company… In Real Life or Online

a coffee mug featuring the face of Eeyore, the depressed donkey character from Winnie the Pooh
Image by Ben Babcock / CC BY

She’s holding her phone, scrolling through Facebook. She groans at something she sees. “Guess it’s time to snooze their posts for a while again.”

Snooze is a feature she uses a lot, allowing her not to see content from the person in question for 30 days. She’s found it extraordinarily useful ever since Facebook implemented it.  » Read more

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Empathy or Envy: Amatonormativity and Hidden Costs

a photo of an art gallery, to the left is a bronze statue that appears to be a woman with a child on her shoulders. Directly ahead is a brightly colored painting that appears to be a man leaping out of his own body. Off to the right, there appears to be a triptrych of modern images of the crucifixion. There are a few nondescript/blurry patrons and distantly in the photo there is a painting, details unclear, but it appears to be a portrait of someone wearing a red outfit.
Image by PAVEL BIBIKSAROV / CC BY

When I look at beautiful things now, I don’t wonder at the talent that must have produced it. Instead, I think of the stress that it probably took.

What happened behind the scenes? How many nights were spent sleepless? Exactly how heavy was the weight of the artist’s head in their hand?

The most beautiful things in life often come with very hidden and very private costs.  » Read more

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The Crumple Zone: Partners Who Bear the Impact

The front end of a black car, driver's side. It has clearly been involved in an accident. The crumple zone (the nose of the car) is all banged up.
Image by Rick Marshall / CC BY

crumple zone: noun

a section of an automobile body designed to absorb the force of an impact in order to protect the passengers (Merriam-Webster)

a part of a motor vehicle, especially the extreme front end and rear, designed to crumple easily in a crash and absorb the main force of an impact (Google)

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I’ve written a few times about polyamory and emotional labor:

I’m yet to find a polyamorous relationship system that extends beyond a few folks that hasn’t occasionally run into these patterns of uneven one-sided emotional labor.  » Read more

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We Can’t Actually Do the Most Important Emotional Labor for Others: The Plight of the Unpaid Therapist

a bunch of miniature men on a mining expedition of some giant strawberries, used to represent emotional labor
Image by JD Hancock / CC BY

Emotional Labor, the Plight of the Unpaid Therapist

People have been talking more and more the past few years about emotional labor, the unpaid stress that people acting as caregivers endure by providing emotional support to others. This isn’t limited to just the workplace, however. Women in particular are disproportionately expected in their personal lives (even with strangers) to manage our own emotions in a way that makes whoever we are talking with comfortable,  » Read more

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