What They Don’t Tell You About Dating an Abused Person, Part 2 — “You are right, and I hate that you’re right, but you are, and I don’t know what to do with that.”

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“You are right, and I hate that you’re right, but you are, and I don’t know what to do with that.”

I think or say this more often that I would like to. Usually it’s when I’m talking to my husband, and it always underscores to me that while I have done a lot of work on myself the past few years,  » Read more

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Swing and a Miss: Gaslighting, Projection & Introjection

Much has been made recently of gaslighting, and it’s a very important concept to keep track of, boundary policing being of paramount importance especially in those who have multiple relationships. Here’s a good essay on gaslighting: http://www.polyamorousmisanthrope.com/2011/11/02/on-gasslighting/

Briefly: Gaslighting is a form of manipulation in which the target is continually forced to question their own sanity.  » Read more

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Unknown Devils

The last few years of our marriage, Ex-Husband used to say that people were taken with me only because they didn’t know me very well, that the problems between the two of us were caused by his knowing “the true me,” and that after any significant length of time anyone I was with romantically would have similar complaints and that I’d run into the same problems over and over again.  » Read more

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Gaslighting

Gaslighting: A common form of brainwashing in which an abuser tries to falsely convince the victim that the victim is defective, for any purpose whatsoever, such as making the victim more pliable and easily controlled, or making the victim more emotional and therefore more needy and dependent.

Here is an excellent article on gaslighting that details how insidious and innocent-seeming these manipulations can seem,  » Read more

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