The Paternalization of Marriage: “You Need to Make Your Husband Do X,” “Get Your Wife to Do Y”

a wedding cake topper of a bride dragging a groom away by the leg
Image by nola.agent / CC BY

Unfortunately, there’s no shortage of people who will judge you based on what your partner does — or doesn’t do.

I noticed this when I first got married.  I’d fallen in love with my husband for a number of reasons. An unflappable sense of confidence, a warm sense of humor, a kind of charm that’s difficult for me even now to explain.  » Read more

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It’s Harder to Walk Away From Something That Isn’t Working Out When You’ve Already Invested A Lot In It

a black and white photo of a bride getting her makeup done by a professional
Image by Viktor-G / CC BY

If her doubts had started on her wedding day, I probably would have called them cold feet.

But they didn’t.

She started wanting to back out a full six months before the wedding.

“This sounds really serious,” I’d tell her. “What are you going to do?”

“What can I do?”  » Read more

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When You Give People Who Don’t Deserve It Your All, What Do You Have Left?

a black and white photo a person holding 2 empty outstretched hands
Image by Caitlin Regan / CC BY

A lot of people involuntarily cringe when you use the word “deserve,” regardless of context. Because the way most people talk about who’s deserving and who isn’t, there’s a deterministic bent to it, an underlying belief that some of us are born into this world entitled to happiness and prosperity. And others aren’t. Usually this is predicated on factors beyond our control: How rich our parents are,  » Read more

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Dating Someone Who Doesn’t Seem to Need You Can Be Difficult

a picture of two silhouettes with the sun behind them. One person is standing on top of the hill and they are holding the hand of the person halfway up the slope, helping them climb.
Image by Pixabay / CC 0

My entire life I’ve been that person that others feel comfortable opening up to. I’m not sure what it is, exactly. Maybe it’s because I’m so average looking, like a movie extra. The girl next door. Cute when viewed from certain angles but not terribly distinctive in appearance.

I personally find it weirdly easy to form positive impressions of new folks when they look like people from my past I’m quite fond of (transference,  » Read more

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The Delicate Art of Dating Someone New While Still Grieving From a Breakup

a closeup of a couple of dandelion seeds flying through the air superimposed on a pink background with bright circles of various colors in the background
Image by Neal Fowler / CC BY

Hi Page! Your writing has been such a source of community and inspiration for me, especially as someone fairly new to polyamory. I’m wondering: what is your experience with healing from a breakup while still in other romantic relationships? My long-term partner and I recently broke up. I started seeing someone else pretty shortly afterwards.  » Read more

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Feeling Loved and Being Loved Are Different

a drawing of a little girl standing in front of a white brick wall and a green lawn having just let go of a red heart balloon that's about to fly away
Image by Pixabay / CC 0

I recently published an article called “When I’m Asking Why You Love Me, I’m Really Asking What Love Is to You.” I was pleasantly surprised by how much of a positive reception it received from readers. And how much of a conversation that formed in response.

That post is about how I realized after I went through my divorce that even though my ex-husband said he loved me all the time that when he and I were talking about love that we were talking about different things.  » Read more

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