“Consistency theories all assume that human beings have a fundamental need to find meaning and order in life’s experiences. Psychologist Melvin J. Lerner adds that we need to believe in a just world, one in which people get what they deserve, good is rewarded, the sinful punished. The Belief in a Just World, he argues, » Read more
It’s well known that dishonesty can be damaging to interpersonal relationships. When we find out someone has lied to us, it can be very difficult to trust them again.
But how about the other side of things? When someone has lied to us, even if no one discovers that they have lied, does the act carry consequences for them as well? » Read more
In polyamorous circles, hierarchy can sometimes be a dirty word, depending on your audience.
Some folks will get offended at even the mere mention of the word. “I don’t believe in hierarchy,” they’ll say. “It’s always unethical. Always.”
And typically, they’ll stick to this position no matter what anyone else says to them. » Read more
When I was a child, I was told over and over again by my mother that honesty was very important. That truth was moral and lies were immoral.
That was what she said.
And then she showed me something different: That telling the truth is important unless that truth is embarrassing or inconvenient to her. » Read more
First of all, I want to thank you so much for your blog! I take a lot of support and encouragement from your writing. I especially enjoy your strictly non-dogmatic, personal and individual approach. You have the rare gift of being rational and emotional at the same time. » Read more
“Are you going to be okay if you see me playing with someone else?” he asks me.
“I get really uncomfortable when I’m not telling somebody something,” CC says. “It’s a lie. A lie of omission.”
And it’s at that moment I realize that I’m a liar. That we all are.
Because we think in clusters and long strands of ideas. But we speak in single bits. Discrete nodes. » Read more
I’ll admit it. I think polyamory is pretty awesome. But what isn’t awesome? Unrealistic expectations.
Unfortunately, a lot of folks new to polyamory approach it expecting it to be a cure-all for their relationship issues.
Here are 8 things that polyamory doesn’t fix:
1. Polyamory Doesn’t Get Rid of Breakups
In fact, » Read more
Stop lying your ass off in dating profiles and new relationships.
Look, I get it. When you’re trying to meet potential partners or develop a new relationship, you want to put your best face forward. You highlight your best features, smooth over your faults. It’s like a job interview for sex, love, companionship, » Read more
Silence disturbs me. I grew up attached to the hip of a mother who chattered incessantly. Mostly to me, sometimes to herself, often into the phone. Dishing out the gossip while stirring a big pot of spaghetti sauce, thick links of sausage bobbing beneath the surface. When she was silent, she was sullen, moody, brooding – » Read more