Happy 2nd Birthday, Divorce!

Despite the fact that I spent most of my life vehemently anti-divorce and swore I’d never get one, divorce was the best thing ever when I actually needed one.  It took an impossible situation and turned it into one that was challenging–but not impossible.

You see, I’d stipulated early on in my marriage to Seth that I wouldn’t give up our marriage without a fight —  » Read more

Continue Reading

Inner Voice, Selfishness

I need to write about this because one day I’ll have worked everything out and be so far beyond my current troubles that I’ll forget how I got past this point.

I can hazard a guess, but I don’t know for sure exactly when or why everything changed. Somehow somewhere along the line I stopped listening to my emotions,  » Read more

Continue Reading

Paradigm Shift

I woke up yesterday morning, completely without warning, with a sense that a giant weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I felt lighter, more at peace. My anxiety was better than I can remember it being. I could speak without the echo of fear and doubt that accompanies most of my social interactions (in the manner of quick thoughts like “well,  » Read more

Continue Reading

Bad Poly: A Case Study

video game screen with green text that reds "Game Over. Continue?" with options of "Yes" or "No" - "Yes" is currently selected.

How does a person who is polyamorous in spirit end up not seeking other partners for a great length of time, essentially becoming monogamous in practice?

To put it mildly, I was party to some truly bad poly. And despite whose “fault” you think the whole thing was when the dust settled (I personally believe we all fucked up to varying degrees),  » Read more

Continue Reading

Sanctuary

The DSM-IV defines a mental disorder as “a clinically significant behavioral or psychological syndrome or pattern that occurs in an individual [which] is associated with present distress…or disability…or with a significant increased risk of suffering.”

In short, your idiosyncrasies, your proclivities, your deviance must cause a problem to be a problem.  » Read more

Continue Reading

Choosing

You know it’s going to be an interesting meeting when the first item on the agenda is “Please fist me.”

Ok, I’ll rewind.

It started a week earlier when I’d confessed to Skyspook that I didn’t know how to help him, how to play my part in our relationship, build the D/s dynamic.  » Read more

Continue Reading

Why Write?

Even though I’ve recently set up this public blog presence of my charmed life and kinky times, I’ve been posting introspection and navel-gazing on predominantly kinky topics on Fetlife for some time. Fetlife (fetish + life, get it?), or Fet/FL as a lot of users call it, is social network for kinky people – essentially Facebook for kinksters,  » Read more

Continue Reading

A Valentine to Myself

I never loved another person the way I loved myself.

Mae West

There’s something absolutely terrifying about radical independence. It’s not a message our culture encourages – stand up for yourself, be strong. So many traditions are in bed with lies that are bundled together and pre-packaged, everything with a price tag.  » Read more

Continue Reading

Better Than a Friend

So much work has already been done, sorting out my own head, my feelings, thought patterns, behaviors. And so much lies ahead.

Today, a single thought crystallizes into word form, “He treats me better than a friend, and this is what shocks me.”

I’ve felt this, thought it wordlessly, nebulously, without form –  » Read more

Continue Reading