I was a really happy-go-lucky kid. Naturally. But as I grew older, I learned to lean more into this feeling. I took on a willingness to compromise. Didn’t need to get much of what I wanted.
This was because I had a few very particular people who also lived in my household. And they were always holding everything up. » Read more
I’ve been having a fun time writing these essays about being a recovering people pleaser. Here are the first two I wrote.
11/25/2019 – Discovering Places Between Pushover and Pusher
11/29/2019 – I Didn’t Want to Change
In these articles, I’ve been talking about odd quirks that come with my history of people pleasing. » Read more
As I’ve written many times, I’m a recovering people pleaser.
On confident days, I find myself venturing the idea that I am a recovered people pleaser. But then I decide that’s how they get you. You get complacent and assume you are forever changed, and then you’re slipping back into the old ways. » Read more
I write quite frequently about being a recovering people pleaser, including one piece I wrote for a client about the 10 biggest lessons I learned while recovering from people pleasing.
And yet… sometimes I feel like I’ve only scratched the surface in addressing how profoundly different my thinking was before I began to critically examine it. » Read more
PQ 24.4 — Am I being asked to give up anything to be in this relationship? If so, do I feel that what I will get in return is worth the price?
Once upon a time, I was a true social chameleon. I had the ability to blend in practically anywhere. » Read more
When Sweetness Is the Whole Problem
“I feel bad about being so upset with her,” she says. “She hasn’t really done anything wrong herself.”
I nod. “I was really surprised to hear you were having trouble with her. She’s so sweet. Not the sort of person I would ever imagine getting under your skin.” » Read more
Photo by liz west / CC BY
A fifth reason came to me as to Why So Few Polyamorists Write in Great Detail (aside from through anonymous or near-anonymous outlets, as PolyLogGal so astutely pointed out in her comments on yesterday’s post). I also thought this might be a good opportunity to talk a bit about my mistakes and times where I’ve been the villain in someone else’s story, » Read more
Much has been made recently of gaslighting, and it’s a very important concept to keep track of, boundary policing being of paramount importance especially in those who have multiple relationships. Here’s a good essay on gaslighting: http://www.polyamorousmisanthrope.com/2011/11/02/on-gasslighting/
Briefly: Gaslighting is a form of manipulation in which the target is continually forced to question their own sanity. » Read more
The hardest part about becoming a person who has standards is that
a) I’m now capable of being disappointed by other people in situations that do not involve gross mistreatment/neglect
b) I have almost no experience in dealing with the feelings that come from people disappointing me in minor ways. » Read more
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.
Even though I’ve never had a problem with alcoholism per se (although I do concede that I enjoy liquor on occasion), » Read more