As I’ve written many times, I’m a recovering people pleaser.
On confident days, I find myself venturing the idea that I am a recovered people pleaser. But then I decide that’s how they get you. You get complacent and assume you are forever changed, and then you’re slipping back into the old ways. » Read more
I write quite frequently about being a recovering people pleaser, including one piece I wrote for a client about the 10 biggest lessons I learned while recovering from people pleasing.
And yet… sometimes I feel like I’ve only scratched the surface in addressing how profoundly different my thinking was before I began to critically examine it. » Read more
PQ 24.4 — Am I being asked to give up anything to be in this relationship? If so, do I feel that what I will get in return is worth the price?
Once upon a time, I was a true social chameleon. I had the ability to blend in practically anywhere. » Read more
When Sweetness Is the Whole Problem
“I feel bad about being so upset with her,” she says. “She hasn’t really done anything wrong herself.”
I nod. “I was really surprised to hear you were having trouble with her. She’s so sweet. Not the sort of person I would ever imagine getting under your skin.” » Read more
Photo by liz west / CC BY
A fifth reason came to me as to Why So Few Polyamorists Write in Great Detail (aside from through anonymous or near-anonymous outlets, as PolyLogGal so astutely pointed out in her comments on yesterday’s post). I also thought this might be a good opportunity to talk a bit about my mistakes and times where I’ve been the villain in someone else’s story, » Read more
Much has been made recently of gaslighting, and it’s a very important concept to keep track of, boundary policing being of paramount importance especially in those who have multiple relationships. Here’s a good essay on gaslighting: http://www.polyamorousmisanthrope.com/2011/11/02/on-gasslighting/
Briefly: Gaslighting is a form of manipulation in which the target is continually forced to question their own sanity. » Read more
The hardest part about becoming a person who has standards is that
a) I’m now capable of being disappointed by other people in situations that do not involve gross mistreatment/neglect
b) I have almost no experience in dealing with the feelings that come from people disappointing me in minor ways. » Read more
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.
Even though I’ve never had a problem with alcoholism per se (although I do concede that I enjoy liquor on occasion), » Read more
I must have heard it a dozen times when I announced I was divorcing Seth after 10 years together.
“I’m confused. You guys were so happy.”
“What happened? You were the perfect couple.”
“I can’t believe it. If you two can’t make it, who can?”
“Are you sure you’re not giving up too soon?” » Read more
Despite the fact that I spent most of my life vehemently anti-divorce and swore I’d never get one, divorce was the best thing ever when I actually needed one. It took an impossible situation and turned it into one that was challenging–but not impossible.
You see, I’d stipulated early on in my marriage to Seth that I wouldn’t give up our marriage without a fight — » Read more