The hardest part of missing is you is that moment when I want to text you. That moment when I almost text you. But remember. And stop myself.
Because I know you won’t text me back. There’s no way for us to talk anymore.
I dream about you sometimes. And you talk to me then. » Read more
A few weeks ago, someone I love very much passed away. I’m noticing that I get less sick every time I type that. Or every time I speak it aloud.
On one hand, this upsets me. Because as frightening as the pain of the early days was, this new shift troubles me. Because I don’t want to forget him. » Read more
You’re gone. And everything has changed.
But nothing has.
Lots of folks still say and do disappointing things. There are very few people like you in the world. People who do a lot but don’t do it for the glory. People who are too busy doing things to notice if anyone else notices them. » Read more
Funerals Don’t Come with Trigger Warnings
I’m sitting up as straight as I can on the pew while my mother sobs on my left. Skyspook is on my right, his hands folded in his lap.
We’re sitting in the front row. My grandmother sits on the other side of my mother. All 5′ » Read more
I’m out on a long walk when I see him. A flash of red just at the edge of my vision. And then I hear the song.
I pivot to see him perched up on a power line on the other side of the road.
They say when you see a cardinal in your yard, » Read more
“Page, you stupid fucking whore, I love you, cut it out!” J yelled at me.
I was sinking into the grass, full of innumerable shots. “No, leave me alone, I’m going to stay out here until I freeze.” At least that’s what I meant to say. I’m sure it was slurred, smeared, obscured somehow. » Read more
Monster was a good kitty.
He was ancient, nearly 20, although like many cats, his appearance didn’t betray his age. Had I found him on the street, I would have thought he seemed 10 or so. The legend is that Monster started his life as a kitten hiding in a hot tub enclosure, » Read more
I dreamt last night that I got a phone call notifying me that my ex-husband Seth had died. Apparently it had been defending my older sister, who was being attacked by her ex-girlfriend (those two had a contentious break-up themselves involving a court appearance for a restraining order). In dream space, my sister was in the hospital recovering from her extensive injuries. » Read more
Ex-Husband used to have a difficult time falling asleep because he’d often find himself awake, fearing death. Fear of dying plagued his existence. I really don’t worry about death much. I worry more about debility or mutilation – be it loss of a limb through amputation or traumatic brain injury.
I am quite familiar with many of the pragmatics involved. » Read more