“I’m sorry,” he says. “I was a jerk.”
“It’s okay,” I say. “I don’t think you’re a jerk. I didn’t like what you said, but I’m glad you’ve apologized.”
He smiles. “I’m going to work on not snapping like that in the future. Not saying something hurtful I don’t mean.”
“Thank you,” » Read more
I published an essay here recently that compared a rough spot in an otherwise happy relationship to a freak cold day in a warm climate:
I’ve had a lot of long-term relationships. Some of them were rocky, some were much more even keel.
Nevertheless, all of them had conflict every once in a while. » Read more
“God, stop trapping me!” he says. It’s very loud. He’s raising his voice.
I’m starting to feel very small. Very scared.
“Trapping you?” I say. “I just asked you a question.”
“A trick question,” he says.
I’m honestly confused, have no idea what he’s talking about. » Read more
We don’t talk about how easy it is to trap someone.
And by that, I mean that we don’t talk about how easy it is to drive someone we love into a corner. Without even meaning to.
A double bind is when a person sends out two different messages, » Read more
As it happens, I was bopping around the Internet the other day, not exactly minding my own business but instead throwing open every door I came across and rifling through for treasures, a bit like a video game protagonist looking for stray gold coins in NPC closets. You know, what people used to call “surfing the web.” » Read more
PQ 14.4 — What will happen if someone breaks the agreement? Do we have a path for reestablishing trust?
Consequences and Accountability
“I guess I just don’t see the difference between setting a boundary and making an ultimatum,” the young man says. He’s come up to me after the class I’m teaching.
You’ve clearly had experiences that make you feel that way, » Read more