I’ve long been an advocate for the importance of being able to take other people’s perspectives — in general but specifically when it comes to close relationships. The worst conflicts I’ve had have been whenever one or both of us became utterly intransigent. Fixed in our views. And wouldn’t entertain that the other person was inhabiting a different position, » Read more
It’s hard to explain to people who aren’t in our relationship why it was worth working through the hard times. Why I never, not once, seriously entertained ending our relationship. Even though it wasn’t always easy.
Because it wasn’t. We had a rough spot. One that lasted a lot longer than I was used to rough spots lasting. » Read more
I know she hurt you, but I’m not her.
I never will be. Never have been.
It’s tough sometimes, how you confuse us. How you assume that when I’m quiet and sad that it’s because I’m passive-aggressively seething. That I’m going to trick you or trap you.
I know that’s what she did. » Read more
“How could you not know I was upset with you?” I asked him, boggling. “How could you possibly have thought that trip went well? We fought the whole time.”
“We did not fight,” he replied.
I found myself speechless out of shock. “I cried and yelled. You argued and yelled back, » Read more
The Difference Between a Rough Spot & a Bad Fit Is Like the Difference Between a Cold Day & a Cold Season
I moved to Dallas about five months ago. Prior to that, I’d always lived in cold places. I spent my childhood and my early adulthood in Central Maine, where snow fell six months out of the year, and while it did warm up a bit during the summer months, it never really got hot-hot.
And it certainly didn’t last. » Read more
There’s been a trend that’s been all the rage lately in self-help circles. One that advocates for cleaning house. Severing all your toxic social connections and being able to move forward unfettered, unencumbered.
Living your best life.
Do they bring you joy? Keep them. Do they cause you grief? Chuck them. » Read more
When it comes to conflict in relationships, it isn’t a matter of if, it’s a matter of when. What. How. Why.
Because there isn’t a relationship that doesn’t eventually have a conflict.
This past weekend, I went to a play party for the first time in a while. I was mostly there in a working capacity for the organizers, acting as the presenter liaison for the night.
As it turned out, the presenters were incredibly low maintenance and retired fairly early. So I unexpectedly ended up with a lot of time on my hands. » Read more
“What was that face for?” he says.
“What face?” I ask, legitimately confused.
“You were scowling.”
“Was I?” I say. I can’t remember what I was thinking about a few moments ago. My mind was wandering… I comb my memory for what it could have been that flashed across my face. » Read more
PQ 16.2 — Do I take responsibility for my choices, or do I expect my partners to make them for me?
What a question. That was my reflexive reaction to reading it: What a question.
I showed this one to a friend of mine, and their verbatim reaction was also “What a question.” » Read more