My compersion appears to be conditional. I’m not ashamed for this. I’m trying to acknowledge it and turn it around. Love shouldn’t be conditional and for me it’s not. So this has been a big pill to swallow. Have you written about this? When a partner’s partner resents your existence and you feel your compersion for them begin to die? » Read more
Compersion has a semi-exalted status in polyamorous circles. Simply stated, compersion (also known as confelicity or mudita) is delight in the happiness of others — even when that happiness has little or nothing to do with you. When you get down to it, compersion is just a very specific kind of empathy, one that runs counter to our cultural expectations. » Read more
Whenever possible, I try to offer advice that applies to all sorts of relationships, whether that’s polyamorous, monogamous, or somewhere in between. And when I’m advising polyamorous folks in particular, I do my best to offer advice that will apply to people in a range of different relationship configurations. Not just help for secondaries, » Read more
“Ugh,” I say.
“You okay?” he says.
“Yeah, my neck just hurts.” I rub the sore muscle, frowning. “No biggie. It happens sometimes.”
“Oh, mind if I help you with that?” he asks. “I can do a release.”
I’ve seen his training certificate on the wall. That he knows what he’s doing when it comes to massage therapy. » Read more
“I’ll be right back,” I say to Justin and Eva as I leave our table at the jazz club to seek out the ladies’ room.
We’ve been there for a few hours, having drinks, eating dinner, the three of us all out on a date together. I’m so in love I can’t stand it. » Read more
“Is it normal to get the hang of the compersion thing when it comes to romantic relationships? But struggle when it comes to your friends?” she says.
“By struggling when it comes to your friends you mean…?”
“I just look around and see all these good things happening to my friends, » Read more
You might think polyamory is wonderful for folks who want to date a lot. And this is true. Predictably, a philosophy that espouses the practice of having simultaneous loving relationships is a good fit for people who want to have them.
But here’s the secret:
Poly is even better for folks who enjoy playing matchmaker. » Read more
I have seen human beings who have forged “intellectual” armor to shield themselves from adversity. They seemed stronger than most. They said, “I couldn’t care less,” and laughed at everything, but when adversity managed to pierce their armor, it caused terrible damage.
I have seen human beings suffer from the slightest adversity, » Read more
When you first start dating someone, everything is new and exciting. And then after a while, even a great relationship has a way of becoming routine. Even predictable.
But it doesn’t have to be this way.
Here are 7 ways to make an old relationship feel shiny and new: » Read more
PQ 4.2 — What do I consider essential, indispensable elements of a relationship?
I used to be a big checklist person when it came to partner selection — it was easy for me to list the elements of a “dream partner.” And I expected others to evaluate me in turn. » Read more