4 Things I’ve Found to Be True While Dating Polyamorously Regardless of Current Role

3 crocheted coasters, one large orange, one medium blue, and one small yellow
Image by storebukkebruse / CC BY

Whenever possible, I try to offer advice that applies to all sorts of relationships, whether that’s polyamorous, monogamous, or somewhere in between. And when I’m advising polyamorous folks in particular, I do my best to offer advice that will apply to people in a range of different relationship configurations.  Not just help for secondaries,  » Read more

Continue Reading

Cultivating Compersion Can Be a Helpful Distraction from the Pain of Tackling Jealousy and Insecurity.

a black and white photo of one person with their hands on someone's unclothed back
Image by zaphodsotherhead / CC BY

“Ugh,” I say.

“You okay?” he says.

“Yeah, my neck just hurts.” I rub the sore muscle, frowning. “No biggie. It happens sometimes.”

“Oh, mind if I help you with that?” he asks. “I can do a release.”

I’ve seen his training certificate on the wall. That he knows what he’s doing when it comes to massage therapy.   » Read more

Continue Reading

Memo to Future Dating Self: Screen for Self-Control

a set of 4 hand embroidered brains
Image by Hey Paul Studios / CC BY

Empathy and Self-Control Are Linked

The Atlantic recently did an exciting piece on a new study by Alexander Soutschek of the University of Zurich. The results demonstrate that empathy and self-control both originate from the same area of the brain, suggesting a link between them. As Ed Yong of The Atlantic writes:

Press your right index finger to the top of your right ear,  » Read more

Continue Reading

Truth Drip: Titrating How Much We Share and When

an iv in the hospital
Image by marissa anderson / CC BY

It’s difficult to know how much to share about what goes on (sexually and otherwise) with one of your partners with another. It’s like titrating the truth, just like you would medicine in a hospital — a truth drip.

On the surface, it seems so easy. But you gotta be careful! You can overdose by saying too much or by saying too little.  » Read more

Continue Reading