I grew up in a strict authoritarian household where I had very little freedom. It was a house in which you had to ask permission to have a glass of water — because after all, someone had to wash it later.
A promise to be the person who washed the glass wasn’t good enough. » Read more
Today’s piece is a guest blog post from Fluffy, an academic in-training, who is studying organizational behavior in hopes of making the world a better place.
Fluffy is a frequent contributor to Poly Land. Their regular blog is Eclectic Discourse (where pith goes to die; in-depth looks at awkward topics).
Here’s what they wrote for us today: » Read more
Why Don’t I Communicate More?
“You just need to have open, honest communication.”
The people who originally introduced me to polyamory explained it to me that way. It was the closest thing we had to a firm, fast rule. The one bit of instruction that was consistently provided.
In every scenario, it was said, you couldn’t go wrong with open, » Read more
Fairly frequently, I’ll write articles describing a relationship situation where something changes, and it puts the people in the relationship into a difficult situation (here’s a recent example).
And invariably, whenever I write one of these pieces, I’ll get a few comments that go a little something like this:
“If everyone knew there were problems, » Read more
It’s Sunday morning. I’m wearing sweatpants, a T-shirt I don’t care about, and a head wrap that holds my hair out of my face. It’s not glamorous, but it’s functional. I’m dressed that way because I’ve been cleaning. Nothing major but the kind of light cleaning that doesn’t wait for a weekday to be done. » Read more
After a protracted period of soul searching and agonizing, I decided to share my feelings with him. I thought about how to phrase it. And then I went for it.
And in response he offered, “For one, you feel like that with me, too, and still isn’t true there. For two, not much I could help with except to say that most people like that you’re a bit pushy with your feelings. » Read more
“I don’t know that we communicate well,” I say to him.
“This is news to me,” he replies.
“Really,” he says. “I love talking to you.”
“I do, too,” I say. “We have good conversations.”
“But you just…”
I sigh. “Just because we have good conversations doesn’t mean that we communicate well.” » Read more
Ten years into my relationship with you, I’m still learning new things about you every day.
The optimist in me wants to say that this is a good sign. To say that this is how things should be.
Like a friend of mine used to say, we’re always growing and changing. » Read more
Like a lot of other people, I grew up in a house where we didn’t really discuss emotions at all — and certainly not negative emotions.
In fact, it wasn’t until I was in my 30s that I was good at differentiating between them and expressing them clearly. I’d learned that you said you were “mad” » Read more
Science’s role is to test hypotheses and uncover the truth. Sometimes this uncovered truth is surprising. Other times it’s a big duh, “Well thanks for the info, Captain Obvious” kind of moment.
Frankly, reality doesn’t care as much about our biases as we do.
Today’s study falls into the Duh Bucket for me. » Read more