Open Communication Doesn’t Magically Erase the Impact of Major Change

an eraser partially erasing the first two letters of "impossible," transforming it to "possible"
Image by Pixabay / CC 0

Today’s piece is a guest blog post from Fluffy, an academic in-training, who is studying organizational behavior in hopes of making the world a better place.

Fluffy is a frequent contributor to Poly Land. Their regular blog is Eclectic Discourse (where pith goes to die; in-depth looks at awkward topics).

Here’s what they wrote for us today:  » Read more

Why Don’t I Communicate More?

Continue Reading

When You Ask Someone to Question One Thing, You May Be Asking Them to Question Everything

a small concrete building with graffiti on it. Graffiti says "Question Everything?" and "leave your baggage here. Also has some illegible words as well as a large spraypainted depiction of an eye
Image by Jon Evans / CC BY

Upon hearing that I’ve written three books about polyamory and maintain a popular daily blog that heavily (although not exclusively) focuses on consensual non-monogamy, most people assume I must be some kind of polyamory fanatic.

They presume that I jumped into non-monogamy vigorously, happily, excited as heck. That I was an exuberant polyamorist,  » Read more

Continue Reading

Why, Yes, Your Attachment Style CAN Change

a series of white paperclips against a red background. In the middle there is a spot where a white paper clip should be but is missing. Above it is a red paperclip pulled out a certain distance, against a white backdrop. It contrasts sharply with the rest and looks out of place.
Image by Pixabay / CC 0

I’ve written quite a few times on this website about attachment styles. As I’ve written in those previous posts, perhaps the biggest lesson of all in child development is that the first year of so of our life is a radically important time for us emotionally. While we continue to learn about trust and social relationships over the course of our life (and experience another notable period of turbulence at puberty),  » Read more

Continue Reading

Personal Growth Can Be a Wonderful Thing, But It Can Also Sometimes Mean Losing People

a dandelion flower that's gone to seed that's lost most of its seed and is very bare. Beneath the photograph is a caption that reads "Loss"
Image by John Morgan / CC BY

People tend to talk about personal growth in rather glowing terms, like it’s always a desirable goal. Something to be worked towards. Commendable.

But the truth is that the outcome isn’t always rosy, at least not in the short term. The most important growth usually doesn’t come without some sort of cost.

The hardest part about figuring yourself out is that you can’t always take other people with you.  » Read more

Continue Reading