People Can and Do Change But Not Just Because You Want Them To

5 dandelion seed puffs in various colors; from left to right white, yellow, blue-green, green, and purple
Image by Pixabay / CC 0

“People don’t change,” he says.

And I can tell he thinks he’s absolutely right by the way he says it. But that’s the funny thing about confidence: It doesn’t always equate to accuracy or skill (in fact, there’s research that suggests that confident people are less skilled, and more highly skilled folks are plagued by doubt).  » Read more

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And They Lived Happily Ever After…

a frilly glittery tag that reads "Happily Ever After" lying on a glittery pink polka dot background
Image by GlitterandFrills / CC BY

There were no formerly heroic times, and there was no formerly pure generation. There is no one here but us chickens, and so it has always been: A people busy and powerful, knowledgeable, ambivalent, important, fearful, and self-aware; a people who scheme, promote, deceive, and conquer; who pray for their loved ones, and long to flee misery and skip death.  » Read more

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Open Communication Doesn’t Magically Erase the Impact of Major Change

an eraser partially erasing the first two letters of "impossible," transforming it to "possible"
Image by Pixabay / CC 0

Today’s piece is a guest blog post from Fluffy, an academic in-training, who is studying organizational behavior in hopes of making the world a better place.

Fluffy is a frequent contributor to Poly Land. Their regular blog is Eclectic Discourse (where pith goes to die; in-depth looks at awkward topics).

Here’s what they wrote for us today:  » Read more

Why Don’t I Communicate More?

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When You Ask Someone to Question One Thing, You May Be Asking Them to Question Everything

a small concrete building with graffiti on it. Graffiti says "Question Everything?" and "leave your baggage here. Also has some illegible words as well as a large spraypainted depiction of an eye
Image by Jon Evans / CC BY

Upon hearing that I’ve written three books about polyamory and maintain a popular daily blog that heavily (although not exclusively) focuses on consensual non-monogamy, most people assume I must be some kind of polyamory fanatic.

They presume that I jumped into non-monogamy vigorously, happily, excited as heck. That I was an exuberant polyamorist,  » Read more

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Why, Yes, Your Attachment Style CAN Change

a series of white paperclips against a red background. In the middle there is a spot where a white paper clip should be but is missing. Above it is a red paperclip pulled out a certain distance, against a white backdrop. It contrasts sharply with the rest and looks out of place.
Image by Pixabay / CC 0

I’ve written quite a few times on this website about attachment styles. As I’ve written in those previous posts, perhaps the biggest lesson of all in child development is that the first year of so of our life is a radically important time for us emotionally. While we continue to learn about trust and social relationships over the course of our life (and experience another notable period of turbulence at puberty),  » Read more

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