Upon hearing that I’ve written three books about polyamory and maintain a popular daily blog that heavily (although not exclusively) focuses on consensual non-monogamy, most people assume I must be some kind of polyamory fanatic.
They presume that I jumped into non-monogamy vigorously, happily, excited as heck. That I was an exuberant polyamorist, » Read more
That morning when you wake up and different music is playing, you’ll feel lighter than you have in years.
Things will make sense. You’ll feel like you belong. But not in a way that you disappear by fitting in. You won’t just blend in with the scenery.
No, you’ll be a major character in the scene. » Read more
I never would have noticed on my own, but I hold my breath a lot. The only reason I know this is because my partner has been pointing out to me when I hold my breath.
He’ll typically do this by saying something like “breathe” or “stop holding your breath.”
And apparently it’s a lot. » Read more
Several years back, I woke up one morning feeling like my life was all wrong for me. It was a bit like I’d gone to sleep one size and woken up the next day having gained countless pounds but still wearing the same clothing I’d worn to bed.
It was my clothes (and my life), » Read more
I’ve written quite a few times on this website about attachment styles. As I’ve written in those previous posts, perhaps the biggest lesson of all in child development is that the first year of so of our life is a radically important time for us emotionally. While we continue to learn about trust and social relationships over the course of our life (and experience another notable period of turbulence at puberty), » Read more
I’ve been thinking about it for several years now, how easy it was for you to tell me you hated all of my friends. And how you expected that not to hurt.
“I have enough friends,” you said.
And little by little, I spent less and less time with anyone else other than you. » Read more
I’ve always been a fan of before and after photos. I was fed a steady diet of them — weight loss progress photos, sure, since those are everywhere.
But I’ve also seen them a lot in regard to home makeovers: Room renovations, redecorating attempts, organizing efforts. In this context, before and after photos are such magic. » Read more
The other night I had another one of those dreams.
Ones where I’ve been wrong about someone close to me.
Where they surprise me by pulling a 180 on their previous values system. Start saying or doing the exact opposite of what they’ve been saying for years. Out of the blue. » Read more
People tend to talk about personal growth in rather glowing terms, like it’s always a desirable goal. Something to be worked towards. Commendable.
But the truth is that the outcome isn’t always rosy, at least not in the short term. The most important growth usually doesn’t come without some sort of cost.
The hardest part about figuring yourself out is that you can’t always take other people with you. » Read more
PQ 17.5 — As I seek new relationships, what guarantees can I offer my new partners that I will make space for them, listen to their needs, and be able to change to accommodate these new relationships?
Once upon a time, I was terrified of change. I’d been through enough of it in my life, » Read more