Why, Yes, Your Attachment Style CAN Change

a series of white paperclips against a red background. In the middle there is a spot where a white paper clip should be but is missing. Above it is a red paperclip pulled out a certain distance, against a white backdrop. It contrasts sharply with the rest and looks out of place.
Image by Pixabay / CC 0

I’ve written quite a few times on this website about attachment styles. As I’ve written in those previous posts, perhaps the biggest lesson of all in child development is that the first year of so of our life is a radically important time for us emotionally. While we continue to learn about trust and social relationships over the course of our life (and experience another notable period of turbulence at puberty),  » Read more

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Personal Growth Can Be a Wonderful Thing, But It Can Also Sometimes Mean Losing People

a dandelion flower that's gone to seed that's lost most of its seed and is very bare. Beneath the photograph is a caption that reads "Loss"
Image by John Morgan / CC BY

People tend to talk about personal growth in rather glowing terms, like it’s always a desirable goal. Something to be worked towards. Commendable.

But the truth is that the outcome isn’t always rosy, at least not in the short term. The most important growth usually doesn’t come without some sort of cost.

The hardest part about figuring yourself out is that you can’t always take other people with you.  » Read more

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PQ 17.5 — As I seek new relationships, what guarantees can I offer my new partners that I will make space for them, listen to their needs, and be able to change to accommodate these new relationships?

a brown leather suitcase decorated with an assortment of stickers
Image by Christine und Hagen Graf / CC BY

PQ 17.5 — As I seek new relationships, what guarantees can I offer my new partners that I will make space for them, listen to their needs, and be able to change to accommodate these new relationships?

*

Once upon a time, I was terrified of change. I’d been through enough of it in my life,  » Read more

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PQ 11.6 — Do I know whether the rules that apply to my relationship are subject to change? If so, who may change them, and how? What input will I have into those changes?

a sculpture that is the bust of the philosopher Heraclitus, the philosopher. He looks like a man with a full beard.
Image by Michael Coté / CC BY

PQ 11.6 — Do I know whether the rules that apply to my relationship are subject to change? If so, who may change them, and how? What input will I have into those changes?

Individual Rules Are Like Mini-Agreements

As I wrote recently, these days I’m a little leery of “rules,” while at the same time understanding how they were absolutely invaluable when I was a brand new poly person.  » Read more

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