I come from a long line of stoics. I didn’t have the kind of childhood where if I fell, people were quick to rush in and tell me things were going to be okay. To kiss a boo-boo and make it better.
No, I was expected to get up. To get over it. » Read more
Have you written anything about how to set boundaries without hurting people? I struggle with worrying that I’m going to hurt people when I set boundaries, so I keep it to myself until it starts to hurt *me.*
I want to start off this article by being very clear about one thing: No matter what you do, » Read more
There’s a meme that’s been flying around for some time that talks about how kids who were mistreated will learn to love unwanted things. I personally have loved Godzilla and other kaiju for a very long time. And a lot of other people I know who had rough childhoods will frequently root for the villain. » Read more
The other day I got a question from a reader in response to my essay on the importance of being around gracious people. This is true all of the time, really, but particularly when you’re in a polyamorous relationship system.
They asked me a question that might seem obvious but hit me rather funny. » Read more
I’ve mentioned it a few times in the past, but I’m not the friend that you call in an emergency.
Once upon a time, long ago and far away, I was tethered to my phone. I would answer it any hour of the night. I was worried about missing a single text or notification. » Read more
While I’m a fairly easygoing person and tend to get along well with others, I have a confession to make: I have people I avoid.
People that I don’t talk to on purpose.
The exact reason why varies in each case. Some people are more draining than anything else. » Read more
Pretty much everyone has heard of The Golden Rule: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.
It’s in the Bible of course. In there multiple times actually. And it’s also a self-help super hit. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard it in my life. (Likely thousands.) » Read more
The Golden Rule Is for Strangers.
As long-time readers know, on the weekends I run a feature called Psyched for the Weekend. Basically, I do brief takes on new studies or old psychological concepts I find interesting.
At the date of this writing, there are 142 articles in that series. Wow.
As with all my essays, » Read more
Many long-time readers of the blog know that I identify as a recovering people pleaser. It’s been a long road to recovery, bolstered by an excellent support system and a round of assertiveness therapy several years back.
Growing up under the thumb of a difficult mercurial parent, I learned early on how to anticipate her needs and accommodate them, » Read more
I was confronted regarding my polyamory. I was told that it’s nothing more than lack of healthy coping mechanisms involving a deeply abusive childhood & total lack of boundaries. Being told that polyamory is a trauma side effect hurts. Trying to process. Thoughts?
I’m sorry to hear that someone said that to you. » Read more