PQ 13.6 — In what ways am I empowered in my relationships? What things help me to feel empowered?
The Power and Responsibility of a Blank Check
I absolutely love my current agreements. I have carte blanche with my anchor partner Justin (the artist formerly known as Skyspook). Carte blanche is French for “white card.” » Read more
PQ 13.1 — How do I encourage decision-making participation by all my partners? In what ways do I show my partners they are empowered?
You know. It’s funny. For the longest time, I really felt that it was possible to fix something — anything, really — if I only just worked hard enough. » Read more
PQ 12.9 — Do I understand the needs my partner is seeking to meet by requesting veto, and have I considered alternative ways of meeting those needs?
Where I grew up at least, the cars they use for driver’s ed have a second set of controls on the passenger’s side. » Read more
PQ 10.2 — Does the agreement offer a path to success?
The trouble with a lot of couples who are newly opening up is that they’re threat sensitive.
It’s natural to want to protect what you have. But when we focus solely on failure states (like breaking up over changes that come with the introduction of a new partner, » Read more
PQ 9.9 — Am I being asked to give up relationships with friends or family?
It’s funny. Back when I became monogamous with Seth, I didn’t give a single thought to my autonomy. When we got together, I basically stepped out of my own life and into his. When he didn’t like one of my friends, » Read more
PQ 9.4 — Am I afraid to say no or disagree with my partner?
For the first 2 or 3 years of our relationship, my ex-husband Seth and I never argued. Not even when we broke up for a week. When I got disgusted that he spent the rent money on video games. » Read more
“Could Non-Monogamy Save Your Marriage?”
I’m asked this fairly often, if I think non-monogamy is a good way to fix a troubled relationship. And outsiders often assume that this is the major reason that relationships open up in the first place.
But it wasn’t that way for me at all. When Seth and I opened up, » Read more
PQ 9.1 — Is my partner asking me to give up control of my autonomy, my body or my emotions?
My autonomy? My body? My emotions? Oh good lord no, PQ 9.1! I’d be making a call around to my friends to get my ass out of that situation. There are at least 3 dozen Lifetime movies implied by this question. » Read more
When I opened up a relationship that had been monogamous for 8 years, I was prepared to feel jealous. But what I wasn’t prepared for? The radical shift in my thinking about that relationship. We both became much more autonomous. And it was a large adjustment getting used to our increased autonomy.
Prior to discovering polyamory, » Read more
They check your phone whenever you leave it lying around.
“Who’s this?” they want to know. “And why did they text you a smiley in the middle of the night?”
They bristle when the waitstaff smiles at you. “Don’t think I didn’t see that!”
“See what? They were just being friendly.” » Read more