The Paternalization of Marriage: “You Need to Make Your Husband Do X,” “Get Your Wife to Do Y”

a wedding cake topper of a bride dragging a groom away by the leg
Image by nola.agent / CC BY

Unfortunately, there’s no shortage of people who will judge you based on what your partner does — or doesn’t do.

I noticed this when I first got married.  I’d fallen in love with my husband for a number of reasons. An unflappable sense of confidence, a warm sense of humor, a kind of charm that’s difficult for me even now to explain.  » Read more

Continue Reading

I’ve Made a Conscious Decision Not to Prize the Squeaky Wheel Over the One With Quieter Problems

a photograph of large involved clockwork with many exposed wheels and gears
Image by Piano Piano! / CC BY

Folks who are in emotional crumple zones are the ones others worry the least about upsetting or hurting. Not because they don’t have feelings. And not because they don’t get hurt easily.

Indeed, many folks in the crumple zone are actually quite sensitive — to their own emotions and to the ones of those around them.  » Read more

Continue Reading

It’s Freeing to Do Your Own Thing, Even When You’re Very Committed to Someone Else

a white dinner plate that has salmon topped with dill, scallops topped with bacon, and asparagus spears on it
Image by Naotake Murayama / CC BY

Recently, my nesting partner Justin decided to switch over to a low-fat diet. Since I normally serve as the official meal planner for our house, it’s been a big project. Especially because left to my own devices, I typically have two personal eating modes: 1. Low Carb or 2. Eating Like I’m on Death Row.  » Read more

Continue Reading

PQ 16.9– Do I support my partners’ relationships with one another in ways that respect their agency and right to choose their level of intimacy?

a photo with a person who is wearing glasses with their arm around a statue of Dobby the house elf
Image by Weltbild Verlag GmbH / CC BY

PQ 16.9– Do I support my partners’ relationships with one another in ways that respect their agency and right to choose their level of intimacy?

*

I take a deep breath and type the following:

So I’m in a weird situation and wanted to keep you in the loop.   » Read more

Continue Reading