As I’ve written many times, I’m a recovering people pleaser.
On confident days, I find myself venturing the idea that I am a recovered people pleaser. But then I decide that’s how they get you. You get complacent and assume you are forever changed, and then you’re slipping back into the old ways. » Read more
“You just need to have open, honest communication.”
The people who originally introduced me to polyamory explained it to me that way. It was the closest thing we had to a firm, fast rule. The one bit of instruction that was consistently provided.
In every scenario, it was said, you couldn’t go wrong with open, » Read more
Many long-time readers of the blog know that I identify as a recovering people pleaser. It’s been a long road to recovery, bolstered by an excellent support system and a round of assertiveness therapy several years back.
Growing up under the thumb of a difficult mercurial parent, I learned early on how to anticipate her needs and accommodate them, » Read more
I’ve been on a cleaning frenzy lately. I recently implemented a new chore list which guides me through most of the motions. Makes keeping things up routine and automatic. Mostly anyway. Sometimes I have to be more intentional.
For example, going by the list, each Friday’s big chore is always miscellaneous. » Read more
A reader made an excellent observation about my earlier piece “How to Know if You’re Selfish.”
I’m looking at your criterion for selfishness at the end and, to be honest, it feels incomplete.
Specifically, it leaves a very important case unclear: What if someone offers you something (that you didn’t ask for), » Read more
When many folks think of assertiveness, they think of sender skills. An assertive person is one who communicates their thoughts and feelings confidently. Openly.
And while this is true, it’s not the entire picture. In practice, the most difficult part of assertive communication is the receiver half.
Because an assertive communicator is not only open to speaking their own truths — » Read more
When I was in grade school, I was friends with a group of the shyest girls at school. My best friend was the soft-spoken daughter of two zoology professors, and when she got headgear, the bullies descended on her with a fury. Looking back, I’m amazed that my reaction as an 8-year-old was to attack the bullies relentlessly, » Read more
There’s a reason why a cactus has spines. Cacti live and thrive in deserts, one of the harshest classes of biome on the face of the Earth, surrounded by creatures that have adapted to survive those conditions. Their spines not only help dissuade other life forms from eating them but also dramatically increase a cactus’s surface area and allow them to better absorb water from infrequent rains. » Read more