We meet up to have coffee after a difficult evening. It was our first fight as friends. Looking back at it with a cooler head and a bit of distance, I can see where we both messed up. The miscommunication is glaring me in the face. Obvious now that I’m calmer.
I see what I got wrong. » Read more
As long-time readers know, on the weekends I run a feature called Psyched for the Weekend. Basically, I do brief takes on new studies or old psychological concepts I find interesting.
At the date of this writing, there are 142 articles in that series. Wow.
As with all my essays, » Read more
I used to be a chronic apologizer.
Ask anyone who knew me back in the day. The words “I’m sorry” were a reflex. I said them more than just about any other phrase.
Because I was sorry. I forever saw how I made little mistakes. Got in people’s way. » Read more
I’ve been meaning to cover this topic on the blog for a while. As some of you know, I write essays fairly frequently that deal with apologies. While research has shown that people are generally quite unforgiving (a finding I find personally depressing, as people are also imperfect and mess up, » Read more
Although it’s been said that sorry is the hardest word, I’ve also heard the following many times: “It’s easy enough to say you’re sorry. Doesn’t mean you mean it.”
Or something like it. Hundreds of times at this point.
It’s a pattern I’ve seen in my own personal life, » Read more
I do so hate a fauxpology (i.e., fake apology). You know exactly what I’m talking about. When someone’s saying the words, “I”m sorry,” but you can tell they don’t really mean it. Either by tone of voice or stilted word use.
“Oh, I’m sorry,” with an eye roll.
Or something equally unimpressive like, » Read more
It seems like I spend 90% of my life struggling with one nuance or another.
The latest has been trying to differentiate between what constitutes “making excuses” vs. “offering an explanation.”
I set this question out to some of my friends. They overwhelmingly stressed that timing was a key factor (people need a while to cool down and get out of the hotly negative feeling place), » Read more
I have a confession: I’m a chronic apologizer.
I first became aware that it was a problem when I was a freshman in high school. A senior, one of the trombonists in the jazz ensemble I was playing in, was driving me around in her car, and I reflexively apologized for something small, » Read more