Joke: “How do you punish a masochist?”
My answer: “Ignore them.”
Attention Is a Powerful Motivator
It’s something that experts advise new parents: Punishment can backfire if done too much or done the wrong way. Scolding or hitting tends to be particularly ineffective. Even if addressing a child’s behavior directly these ways is intended as punishment, » Read more
[Description of a complex social situation.]
Am I wrong for feeling [emotion]? Should I feel a different way?
Feelings are never right or wrong. They just are. You get to feel what you feel.
Now, when we take actions based on our feelings, » Read more
PQ 14.4 — What will happen if someone breaks the agreement? Do we have a path for reestablishing trust?
Consequences and Accountability
“I guess I just don’t see the difference between setting a boundary and making an ultimatum,” the young man says. He’s come up to me after the class I’m teaching.
You’ve clearly had experiences that make you feel that way, » Read more
“When someone is crying, of course, the noble thing to do is to comfort them. But if someone is trying to hide their tears, it may also be noble to pretend you do not notice them.”
I look at my phone when we pull into port. » Read more
PQ 9.13 — Am I afraid to express my boundaries? Do I feel they won’t be respected?
Am I Afraid to Express My Boundaries?
These issues are near and dear to my heart. I’m a recovering people pleaser.
As I’ve written about in past articles, » Read more
It’s usually one of first things you’re asked when someone finds out that you’re polyamorous: “But don’t you get jealous?” I get asked it a lot. And one of the most important realizations I had was that jealousy isn’t really an emotion.
If anything, jealousy is a system of emotions. » Read more
PQ 7.8 — Does my communication show that I take responsibility for my actions and emotions?
When Someone “Makes” Us Feel Something
It’s very common to hear people say that someone “made” them feel something.
“She made me feel bad.”
“You make me so unhappy.”
“He makes me so frustrated.” » Read more
Okay, let’s start off by saying that however agreeable I seem, I am NOT someone who likes teamwork. Here’s an excerpt from a blog I kept for a class I was taking (creative non-fiction) a few years ago regarding my dynamic with Ex-Husband:
We are tethered together. When one of us falls, » Read more