There was a meme that got really popular a while back that advised people who were dating folks who had been abused in the past. They’ll be grateful for little things, the meme said. And they’ll try to thank you for that. You need to discourage that behavior, the meme advised.
I love how well you’ve treated me, but I don’t want you to ever do it out of fear. You don’t have to read my mind. And I’ll love you –and treat you well — even if you guess wrong sometimes.
“I guess what gets me is that he lost his temper, chewed everyone out, didn’t apologize, pretended it never happened… and then was surprised when everyone soured on him.”
I’ve written a fair amount about abusive relationships, family estrangement, my own trauma history and unglamorous recovery, and even lesser discussed concepts like proto-abuse. It has… Read More »When You’re Worried that a Relationship Will Bring Out the Worst Side of You
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I didn’t think of myself as being a survivor of anything — much less abuse — until I was in my 30s. The news was… Read More »Does Abuse Require Bad Intent or Can It Be the Result of Simple Incompetence?
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Many long-time readers of the blog know that I identify as a recovering people pleaser. It’s been a long road to recovery, bolstered by an… Read More »Fight, Flight, Freeze… Fawn?: Responding to Danger by Becoming a People Pleaser