There was a meme that got really popular a while back that advised people who were dating folks who had been abused in the past. They’ll be grateful for little things, the meme said. And they’ll try to thank you for that. You need to discourage that behavior, the meme advised.
I love how well you’ve treated me, but I don’t want you to ever do it out of fear. You don’t have to read my mind. And I’ll love you –and treat you well — even if you guess wrong sometimes.
“I guess what gets me is that he lost his temper, chewed everyone out, didn’t apologize, pretended it never happened… and then was surprised when everyone soured on him.”
I’ve written a fair amount about abusive relationships, family estrangement, my own trauma history and unglamorous recovery, and even lesser discussed concepts like proto-abuse. It has… Read More »When You’re Worried that a Relationship Will Bring Out the Worst Side of You
Hi Page, Just read one of your Twitter posts where you reference proto-abuse. It’s ringing some kind of flag or bell or what have you… Read More »What Is Proto-Abuse?
When I was 19 years old, I wound up in an abusive relationship. Kurt was 32 years old. He’d lived in multiple states. This really… Read More »What Is Perspecticide? (Abuse)
“You know,” she says, “I relate to a lot of the work you’ve written on childhood abuse.” “I’d say ‘thank you,’” I reply, “but part… Read More »Though Not Talked About Very Much at All, Sibling Abuse Is VERY Common & VERY Damaging
I didn’t think of myself as being a survivor of anything — much less abuse — until I was in my 30s. The news was… Read More »Does Abuse Require Bad Intent or Can It Be the Result of Simple Incompetence?
I grew up in a strict authoritarian household where I had very little freedom. It was a house in which you had to ask permission… Read More »You Can Be Conditioned to Expect Communication to Be Full of Tricks and Traps
Many long-time readers of the blog know that I identify as a recovering people pleaser. It’s been a long road to recovery, bolstered by an… Read More »Fight, Flight, Freeze… Fawn?: Responding to Danger by Becoming a People Pleaser
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