Working in the Land of the Therapists

It’s been a few weeks since I’ve updated. That’s because I spent the last month (i.e., the time between graduation and now) job hunting. It’s odd because even an intense job hunt really only eats up about 4 hours a day maximum, but the process was quite draining, and I found it really difficult to be creative while managing the logistics,  » Read more

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Learning that the term “crapshoot” was derived from a roll of the dice in a casino game and not simply an alternate name for the rectum (i.e., the “poop chute”) used idiomatically to denote unpredictability was inordinately disappointing in such a way that it’s been about 20 years since I realized this, and I still remember it vividly.  » Read more

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graduated cylinders


I graduated this weekend. The ceremony was long, sweaty, and boring — but at the same time vital, I think, to understanding that a milestone had been reached, that something important had in fact happened.

I’d been so focused on getting into a PhD program that it hadn’t occurred to me until recently that what I was doing at school every day mattered and would amount to something,  » Read more

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Police Cruiser

While I’m walking around downtown, a (female) police officer comes up to me and says, “You look nice. You have a nice face. Very nice looking.” I thank her (because I don’t  know what else to say) and she walks off. Random though oddly flattering.  » Read more

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Wannabe Service Alien

I appear confident, but under the surface I’m afraid.

Disappointment is a persistent low-grade stinging in my chest, churning slowly, like a fist clenching in a space where it doesn’t quite fit. 

I fear I always screw things up with him. I never say the right things. How is it that I’ve worked all these years to be pleasing to men,   » Read more

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Good at Math is Better

nerdy ones

But only if they’re good at math. Or writing. Or some other intellectual pursuit.

There are plenty of so-called geeks without any specific talent who are lacking in social skills and/or obsessed with something in particular that leads to encyclopedic knowledge.

You want a smart one.  » Read more

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I’m Sorry

I have a confession: I’m a chronic apologizer.

I first became aware that it was a problem when I was a freshman in high school. A senior, one of the trombonists in the jazz ensemble I was playing in, was driving me around in her car, and I reflexively apologized for something small,  » Read more

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“I mostly feel terrible about not getting into grad school because it was the justification for my not working while I went to school, that I was going to work really hard so I could get accepted somewhere,” I told Spook as we drove home from Chicago.

“That wasn’t it at all,” Spook said.  » Read more

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