The Taxonomy of Cacti, or Poly Curiosity Killed the Cat’s Social Life

flowering cactus with pretty pink blooms
Image by Michal Mañas / CC BY

It’s fairly easy to generate a plethora of positive-sounding reasons why someone might be a good fit for polyamory. You could be a person who loves freely, without boundaries, secure, set on enriching your own life and as many other lives as possible through unique personal connections, intent on having myriad intense life experiences.

Me?  » Read more

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No One Wants to Be the Bitter Ex… But Sometimes We All Are

teal bowl and saucer filled with lemons

Photo by liz west / CC BY

A fifth reason came to me as to Why So Few Polyamorists Write in Great Detail (aside from through anonymous or near-anonymous outlets, as PolyLogGal so astutely pointed out in her comments on yesterday’s post). I also thought this might be a good opportunity to talk a bit about my mistakes and times where I’ve been the villain in someone else’s story,  » Read more

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That’s How You Get Smooth Jazz

“I really wish people would be more open about their kinks,” he said. “I think kinks should be considered normal and not so taboo.”

Except, for me at least, that’s the whole point.

For one, my kinks involve lots of shame, so maybe I’m not the most impartial judge. Now I’m not about to advocate for society to go on a witch hunt after all would-be intrepid sexplorers as the fundamentalist fringes (and fringe-adjacent folks when they get wrapped up in their own insecurities and confusion) are so wont to do.  » Read more

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Unnaturally Poly

a red heart hanging from a clothespin on a clothesline in front of a wooden fence

A lot of my favorite poly bloggers share a similar story: They came to polyamory naturally. Monogamy just wasn’t a thing that they did well (or at all). Sure, they would try to fit themselves into that box, particularly when they came upon someone they truly cared about who expressed that exclusivity was important to them,  » Read more

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Sexile/Pop-Tarts

box of Brown Sugar Cinnamon Pop-Tarts

It’s strange to admit this, but making plans to hang with a hot friend of mine, I realized that when it comes to partner selection that I put just about as much thought into what sort of metamour situation I could possibly be creating as to my level of interest in the person. It probably comes from being spectacularly webbed up in 2011 and the strain some of those metamour relationships put on me as a hinge,  » Read more

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What the Cuck

He is out on a date with her. I’ve had a glass of wine, done some writing. We’ve done this dance before. He’s doing his thing, I’m doing mine. So far, so good.

But then I look at the clock, and it’s somehow both earlier and later than I think it is. I have passed as much time as is effortless,  » Read more

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