Better Than a Friend

So much work has already been done, sorting out my own head, my feelings, thought patterns, behaviors. And so much lies ahead.

Today, a single thought crystallizes into word form, “He treats me better than a friend, and this is what shocks me.”

I’ve felt this, thought it wordlessly, nebulously, without form –  » Read more

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Slave Heart

May 23, 2011:

I’m in the midst of an incredible romance with Skyspook. He keeps doing things for me that I like, taking me places I like, etc, just because I like them (something I’m not at all used to). Also we are play fighting (hitting, wrestling, biting, etc) with a vengeance –  » Read more

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Domestic Service

As I’m sweeping the floor, I find myself thinking of last night, how you grabbed my hair as I sucked you off and thrust until you came, wild with desire. You’d been so gentle until that moment, polite. I run the thought over in my head, polishing it like a stone, lording over the fact that I’ve learned your body well enough to draw out your animal instincts,  » Read more

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Discretion/Cowardice?

“Before you treat me, I need to make sure you’re comfortable with a few things.”

“Such as?”

“I’m part of the local kink community. I’m really into it. It’s important to me.”

“Kink community?” The look on my therapist’s face is one of sheer confusion.

I sigh.  » Read more

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Loss

I am still lost. A traveler here. But I’ve recognized I have no home where I came from, no place to go back to. This sets my course.

I lost everything I had. I lost very little.

This is not the first time I’ve suffered a great loss, turned my back on people I’ve loved in the name of self-preservation.  » Read more

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Respect

I’ll never forget that night. November 1999, my first semester of college.

I had gone to a party hosted by the music frat. I knew a lot of people there because I played in the jazz ensemble and orchestra, even though I wasn’t in any Greek groups. I was there with J, this beautiful genderqueer boy I had met through the atheist group on campus (having become quite enamored with secular ethics),  » Read more

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The Power of Words

1997

The day after it happens, I go to school with a headache and slivers of memory. There are pieces missing, things I can’t find an explanation for. When I see the smirking faces, I feel blood burning in my brain, my body reacting without any input from my mind. I bolt to the bathroom and throw up.  » Read more

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It Always Felt Like An Affair

And in hindsight, that should have told me something. “She doesn’t have to know how serious we are yet. She just wouldn’t understand.”

I thought it was romantic that he would lie to her by omission. That we’d have little secrets that only the two of us would know. I thought they were harmless and bred intimacy.  » Read more

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About the Other Night

The spirit is the energy that moves between us, one to the other. When we struggle, fight, collapse together, we unearth our depths. I am actually located at the depth to which I attach to myself. This is where I attach to you, interlocking seamlessly. We can imagine it as a projection, if we stop to imagine all those details that were never explained,  » Read more

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