It came from the playground…?

We were all children at one point.

The last few days, I’ve been considering the idea that D/s mimics a lot of social interplay in childhood before we are properly “socialized.” Without getting into gory and depressing details, sexual humiliation is a central part of my psyche and formative sexual experiences simply from having been the first girl in my class to develop and having a strict French Canadian Catholic upbringing.  » Read more

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Body Acceptance

It’s been a crazy couple of years socially speaking. A year and a half ago, my husband and I opened our marriage. A few months before we came to that decision, I was the heaviest I’d been in my whole life. It was riddled with intense pain so crippling that I couldn’t walk across a room without wincing,  » Read more

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“Useful”

Why do I crave what many others would consider abuse?

Is it for the pain?

The freedom from my own identity that comes from reflexive self-subversion?

Is it for the attention?

Is it to be useful?

Useful. That word resonates with me.

I,  » Read more

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Out

I came out about my sexual orientation to my mother today.

It started when we were talking about one of my friends from college. “You knew she was gay, right?” I said.

Mom said, “I think so. I barely remember her.”

“You know, Mom,” I continued. “I have A LOT of gay friends.”  » Read more

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Losing Control

Having safe sex with women can be pretty tricky. Oh, the condom! Why must you be so inapplicable to my efforts to sex up the ladies? Or one lady in particular. Don’t get me wrong; I am well aware of the dental dam, but still I worry. It seems patently unfair to have been born with both a penchant for oral sex and a germaphobia that borders on neurosis.  » Read more

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afternoon nap

I took a short nap this afternoon during a break from work and had a dream that I was playing the piano, a piece in a minor key with lots of arpeggios and heavy on the pedal. Some of the notes were not sounding. It occurred to me as I played that they were being randomly censored.  » Read more

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I don’t like being compared to other people.

When I was in the first grade, my teacher had a poster on the wall of our classroom she had made titled “King of the Mountain.” She wrote our names on little pieces of paper and placed them on this poster to illustrate our position in relationship to each other academically within the class. My thought is that this was supposed to act as some form of motivation for us to strive to reach the peak ourselves and that competition would motivate us to achieve more.   » Read more

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The Messiah Complex

1.

Just about everyone else in my family is Catholic (except for a few crazy uncles we were never allowed to associate with except for at large family gatherings). Many women in my family love angels. My mother is especially fond of them. She remarked on many occasions that it was a bizarre coincidence that I was born a week after my great grandmother died.  » Read more

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