Lady Friends, Gentleman Callers, and Frequent Visitors: What To Call a Metamour When It’s Not a Capital-R Relationship

3 silhouettes of people on a beach
Image by Tony Alter / CC BY

metamour (noun) – a partner’s other partner


“When are you meeting up with your lady friend?” I ask my partner Justin.

Lady friend. I don’t know what else to call her. Since I don’t yet know her first name. That’ll come later. All I know at this point is that they both swiped the same way on Tinder and are planning to meet up to…  » Read more

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“Dear Mother, Please Send Rubles”

a 5-ruble note (Russian currency)
Image by frankieleon / CC BY

Picture it. Quebec City 1999.

We’ve been to six bars in one night. And we’ve made the most of each. It’s the first time I’ve ever had a Long Island Iced Tea. I’ve lost count of how many Jane’s bought me, but they’re hitting me pretty hard.

I’ve been staring at Jane a little bit too long for weeks as she’s getting dressed and undressed at the dorm.  » Read more

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You’re Only as Sick As Your Secrets

Red stamped letters that say "SECRET." Below this is a closeup of typewritten letters (it appears to be part of a larger cropped document), which reads: on of suitable wa ighting force in"
Image by RetrictedData / CC BY

My feelings on 12-step programs are complicated. While some people have gained a ton of personal benefit from them, my own experiences in 12-step programs were considerably more checkered and regrettable. That, coupled with having read extensive research that counters a lot of the core claims of those programs, has generally soured me on them.  » Read more

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The Light Triad of Personality Traits

a basic white triangle
Image by rpablosxtec / CC BY

As I mentioned in an earlier installment of this series, researchers previously went to work to determine personality traits that could predispose individuals to difficult antisocial behavior. And in the process of this, they identified three culprits — Machiavellianism, narcissism, and psychopathy — a combination that they named “the dark triad.”

This research took place in the early 2000s,  » Read more

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