My Number One Kink Is Direct Communication

a brick wall
Image by Rachael Towne / CC BY

It’s been decades, but I still vividly remember my old elementary school. It was a brick building. Standing outside at recess, I’d often stare at those walls,  fascinated by the flaws in the blocks, the cracks and places where they were uneven. I was generally a talkative kid and often very social but occasionally I’d get overwhelmed.  » Read more

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Apparently Breakup Revenge Is a Thing, But Will It Make You Feel Better?

a wall covered with graffiti that reads "revenge is so 4th grade no more war!"
Image by Cliff Beckwith / CC BY

Hi Page, I was wondering what you think of this… 

She’s sent me links to several articles about “breakup revenge.”

“What?” I say aloud (even though I’m alone). “That’s a thing?”

I click through. And sure ’nuff, it’s a thing.

There are scads of how-to articles teaching people how to “get even”  » Read more

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PQ 17.2 — What parts of my relationships are most important? How can I preserve those elements while knowing that my relationships will change over time?

it's a closeup of a section of an orbital diagram in white superimposed over a black starry background
Image by Mark Morgan / CC BY

PQ 17.2 — What parts of my relationships are most important? How can I preserve those elements while knowing that my relationships will change over time?

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There’s a kind of rhythm to my life with Justin. We move in tandem. Pretty much effortlessly. We sleep in the same bed, eat most meals together.  » Read more

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PQ 17.1 — What assumptions do I have about what my relationships “should” look like? How are these assumptions influenced by the cultural narratives about monogamy, and how much are they truly mine?

a blue fish with black stripes and a black raised back crest swimming around in a fish tank
Image by Thomas Giuretis / CC BY

PQ 17.1 — What assumptions do I have about what my relationships “should” look like? How are these assumptions influenced by the cultural narratives about monogamy, and how much are they truly mine?

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Assumptions are often hidden to us, and as such, they’re easier seen in hindsight, after we don’t have them anymore.  » Read more

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Poly Pitfalls: The Mass Mailing Issue

a wooden door with a mail slot that has a sign underneath that reads "no junk mail." under the sign there is a house number 8.
Image by andreas_fischler / CC BY

Often when people talk about polyamory, they focus on a few, very specific problems. In particular, “How do you deal with the jealousy?” gets a lot of attention (please see this post for that answer). And it’s true that for many people, the hardest task of the first year or two of polyamory is learning how to become more emotionally secure and essentially becoming a better emotional parent to yourself (work which happily can translate to all negative emotions and not simply jealousy).  » Read more

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