In a lot of the poly how-to, we’re very partner centered. Even questions like “how do I manage jealousy?” tend to have our partner at the center of it, as something that is gained or lost and the metamour (i.e., your partner’s other partner) simply a happenstance agent of that scary change.
But thing is? » Read more
When I opened up a relationship that had been monogamous for 8 years, I was prepared to feel jealous. But what I wasn’t prepared for? The radical shift in my thinking about that relationship and the imbalances that came to light with our increased autonomy.
Prior to discovering polyamory, when I had a more traditional marriage, » Read more
PQ 6.4 — Do I communicate passively or directly?
I am as direct as I can reasonably be.
Direct communication seems like a simple matter — and it’s definitely something to strive for. After all, there’s little more frustrating than talking with someone who expects you to mind read. » Read more
“I’m so scared, Page,” he says to me.
“I feel like she’s avoiding me. She says everything’s okay. And I want to believe her, but…”
He sighs. “It’s not like her at all. And she just started dating another guy.”
“Don’t listen to Martin! » Read more
PQ 6.3 — If my partners have a problem with someone else’s behavior, do I encourage them to bring it up with that person?
For as long as I can remember, I’ve been that person others feel safe telling things to.
It can have its benefits. » Read more
Be Specific, Be Clear, Be Comprehensive
While I’ve had a number of polyamorous relationship agreements over the years, the best ones all had one thing in common: They were very specific, very clear, and comprehensive.
An agreement should meet everyone’s needs. In order to figure out what these are, make sure to devote adequate time for discussion. » Read more
“Have you written much about anchor partners?” he asks me.
“Yeah, a few times,” I answer, thinking of this (on dating someone you’ve been with a while) and this (7 ways to make an old relationship feel new).
We’re commiserating on how little room there is in our lives for anything new and serious. » Read more
PQ 6.2 — If I have a problem with someone’s behavior, do I discuss the problem with that person?
“So Skyspook texted me. Says he has a migraine?” Michelle said. “Give me a break.”
“He really doesn’t feel well,” I told her.
“He was supposed to come over and work on your room.” » Read more
Page, in your post on conflict resolution styles you forgot one thing about Collaborating. In my opinion: There’s not always a win-win solution. Like. I don’t think in that situation it automatically becomes Compromising. It’s just a conflict that can’t be resolved in a collaborative way.
It’s one of those drawbacks no one wants to believe is real. » Read more
“Staying vulnerable is a risk we have to take if we want to experience connection.”
The hardest part of the recent political climate has been the need to toughen up without hardening on the inside. Like a hard candy. But the kind with a creamy center. » Read more