Why can’t I struggle more beautifully?
I wake from a dead sleep with that thought repeating in my head. So much of the day stretches out before me like a blank expanse. It’s a wilderness I’m tasked not only with traversing but populating.
I shuffle to yesterday’s coffee. » Read more
I Am Not Your Wife
“I called off my date,” he said.
“You did what?” I asked, confused.
“It seemed like what you wanted,” he said.
“It’s not,” I said.
“All I was saying was that I was uncomfortable. Because you asked me how I felt. » Read more
A few days ago, I launched my first book, Poly Land: My Brutally Honest Adventures in Polyamory, a memoir that shares (maybe overshares) what I went through when I was newly polyamorous. Those first few years when I didn’t know what I was doing and neither did anyone around me. » Read more
“Promiscuous” implies that I’m not choosy. In fact I’m very choosy. I just happen to have had a lot of choices.
How Do You Know If a Slut Loves You?
It is the giddy catch of breath. Their quick smile.
The way they look at you. Beyond pensive. » Read more
I’ve been reading Poly Land for a while but wanted to reach out to thank you for your advice – and the way you share your experiences and draw from them.
I heard you’re coming out with a book soon. I’m so excited. » Read more
I recently stumbled across a piece by Heina Dadabhoy called “Polyamory: What No One Warned Me About.” As Dadabhoy writes:
Polyamory makes it worse in that the usual rationalizations for getting dumped don’t work when you were poly with the person and they remain poly after the break-up.
“They left me so they could date someone prettier/smarter/easier/better than me”? » Read more
“Millennials drive me crazy. They’re so whiny. And entitled. They’re ruining the country,” she says. “But not you,” she adds quickly, “You’re an old soul.”
You Don’t Get to Say that I’m Not Included So You Don’t Have to Rethink Your Bias
Cut the crap.
I am a millennial by birth year. » Read more
PQ. 8.5 — Do I believe that if I am not jealous, I don’t really love my partner?
“All this work on unlearning jealousy and becoming emotionally secure is all fine and good,” she says. “But don’t you miss your partner getting jealous?”
I cock my head. » Read more
It’s a common rule that a lot of people have when they open up their relationships: No friends.
It’s likely one of those carryovers from traditional dating wisdom. Don’t date friends because most relationships break up, and if you break up with someone, you’re likely to ruin the friendship.
But my dirty secret: I nearly always date friends. » Read more
I am a long-term recovering people pleaser. Growing up in a house with difficult family members, I learned quite young to set aside my own wants and needs for others.
This pattern followed me into my adult relationships. I shoved aside what I wanted and focused on what my partner needed. » Read more