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The Supernormal Stimulus: Figuring Out What Matters Most to Your Partner & Doing It

a photograph of a person wearing a straw hat and a white dress with a blue cloth tied around their waist leading about a dozen geese with a dog herding the geese from behind
Image by Pixabay / CC 0

In the 90s, I lived with a wide variety of people. Sometimes I stayed with relatives, but other times I crashed at friends’ houses, friends who were still living with their parents, since their teenaged home lives were more conventional than my own.

At one house I crashed with college professors who had the world’s smallest,  » Read more

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Proximity, Social Pressure, and Same Sex Erasure in Polyamorous Relationships

a picture of a park bench with the words "this seat taken" and a downward pointing arrow written on it
Image by JapanBlack / CC BY

Today’s guest post is from LH, a poly, kinky, queer lady, who identifies as a lesbian. She feels lucky to have found a primary partner who is sweet and loving and makes her feel valued, and a secondary partner whose steady support is a foundation for her. She has been challenged and grown a lot safely,  » Read more

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Forget Grand Gestures. Relationships Are Lost (or Won) in the Details.

two yellow stick figure sculptures. They are both smiling. The one on the left seems to be giving a white flower petal to the one on the right.
Image by Kate Ter Haar / CC BY

Practice yourself, for heaven’s sake in little things, and then proceed to greater.

-Epicetus

*

We have more possibilities in each moment than we realize.

-Thich Nhat Hanh

Forget Grand Gestures. Relationships Are Lost (or Won) in the Details.

The way that successful romantic relationships are framed is often very deceiving.   » Read more

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Distressed by Another’s Jealousy: How to Deal With Guilt From Hurting a Partner

a very sad looking character made of marshmallows. they have little hands made from white thumbtacks.
Image by Maryam Abdulghaffar / CC BY

I enjoy and follow your writings and the recent one about how to know your partner is jealous and not just inventing a concern reminded me that I’ve been trying to find some info on how to deal with it when a partner is jealous.

More specifically, how do I not have anxious and guilty feelings,  » Read more

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PQ 3.6 — Am I offering others the same consideration I expect from them?

the United Buddy Bears in Helsinki, gold bear statues constructed to demonstrate the golden rule
Image by Ari Helminen / CC BY

PQ 3.6 — Am I offering others the same consideration I expect from them?

Offering the Same Consideration, Not Doing the Same Exact Thing

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. (Matthew 7:12)

It’s the Golden Rule. Psychologists call it social reciprocity — the principle that if one person gives,  » Read more

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Hanging by a Thread: New Partners and Pseudo-Anxious Attachment

black and white photo of 2 sneakers hanging from a power line
Image by mattw1ls0n / CC BY

I wrote recently about attachment styles and how they come into play during relationships. In that post, I mentioned that the most difficult combination occurs when a person with anxious attachment is in a relationship with someone whose attachment style is avoidant.  Anxious types, fueled by an insatiable emotional hunger, seek that closeness from their avoidant partner,  » Read more

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