8 Lessons That I Learned From Both Polyamory and Kink

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I didn’t open up my marriage over a decade ago with an eye toward exploring kink. But that’s nonetheless what happened. After about a year of dating polyamorously, I eventually ended up with a girlfriend who knew some folks in the kink scene and had a strong kinky streak herself.

It was a surprising turn of events at the time.  » Read more

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How Being Polyamorous Can Be Different: Unorthodox Friendships & Support

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As a person who has been polyamorous for quite a while now, I’m sometimes asked by others how it’s different. And I suppose if you break it down, there are a lot of little differences that stem from within me. Things that tend to bother other people really don’t bother me. I’ve lost all sense of outrage regarding what are popularly regarded as “  » Read more

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PQ 16.1 — When my partners have competing desires, how well do I express what I need? Do I make sure my own desires aren’t lost in the shuffle?

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PQ 16.1 — When my partners have competing desires, how well do I express what I need? Do I make sure my own desires aren’t lost in the shuffle?

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There’s a certain kind of story I grew up believing: No sacrifice was too great for love. In fact, my own personal picture of love required a large sacrifice.  » Read more

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10 Things That Happened When I Exclusively Dated a Man Who Wanted Sex Way Less Often Than I Did

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Like most people, I grew up being told that when it comes to sex that men are the gas, women are the brakes.

However, when I entered my first long-term monogamous relationship, I discovered the hard way that not everyone follows this pattern. In fact, my boyfriend wanted sex way less often than I did.  » Read more

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The Scariest Thing About Polyamory Is Also One of the Best

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“I’ve thought of something you should write about,” she tells me.

“Oh?” I say. She’s not the type to offer up ideas very often. Not much of an unsolicited advice giver. And her insights are usually great. So she has my interest.

“It’s about something I’ve never really heard anybody talk about in relation to polyamory,”  » Read more

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I Don’t Regret Dating You. I’m Grateful for the Wound You Gave Me.

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Maybe it should have told me more than it did, that we liked the same band — but for completely different reasons.

He was attracted to the drama of their music. The dynamics, especially the highs. When he sang along, it was a form of emotional expression he couldn’t get anywhere else. A vessel for his unacceptable feelings.  » Read more

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PQ 15.5 — How do I define “commitment”? Do my definitions leave room for nontraditional commitments and nontraditional relationship trajectories?

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PQ 15.5 — How do I define “commitment”? Do my definitions leave room for nontraditional commitments and nontraditional relationship trajectories?

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Here is a good example of commitment, drawn from an earlier piece:

I walked a mile in the bitter cold to get him DayQuil while he was buried up to his neck in covers,  » Read more

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