What’s deescalation? It sounds like you basically pulling back and becoming more distant from your partner. Is it basically a slow breakup as opposed to a quicker breakup?
When we’re talking about relationships, deescalation can mean a variety of things. But essentially, deescalating a relationship means that you’re moving to become less entangled. » Read more
It doesn’t feel great to admit, but I used to bitterly dislike anyone my current partner had dated in the past. This boiled down to five reasons. The first four of these were fairly conscious reasons, ones I was aware of. The fifth one, not so much. Here they are: » Read more
1. They hurt my partner.
I’ll never forget my first public scene with Justin. It was on a busy night at the dungeon. A play party.
“What would you like to do?” he asked me.
I clammed up. “I don’t know,” I said.
“Page,” he said in that voice. His Dom voice, » Read more
PQ 17.6 — Where does my sense of security come from in my relationships? What am I willing to do to help my partners feel secure, and will those things come at a cost to any new relationships I may start?
“Remind me again: How many plans do you have in case I kick you out?” » Read more
PQ 17.5 — As I seek new relationships, what guarantees can I offer my new partners that I will make space for them, listen to their needs, and be able to change to accommodate these new relationships?
Once upon a time, I was terrified of change. I’d been through enough of it in my life, » Read more
I’ve been curious about polyamory for some time. I do have some poly friends who seem happy, and I love the idea of it. I asked them if there were places online where I could read more. They referred me to your site as well as to some forums. » Read more
Ro and I are having dinner. Talking about on-again, off-again relationships. Ones where the general shape of them look like a heartbeat on an EKG. A quick spasm of highs and lows, highs and lows.
“That’s not how mine look at all,” Ro says. She explains that hers are more of a line that goes up gradually but pretty much consistently. » Read more
“You’re polyamorous?” she says.
“Yes,” I say. “Does that surprise you?”
“Sorta,” she says. “It’s just… I never thought of you as someone with a fear of commitment.”
“What?” she asks me.
“I mean this with all the love in the world,” I say, » Read more
Is it common to not want to know anything at all about your partner’s partners? My sweetie often wants to know the details of my other relationships. This is fine, and I don’t mind, but I really don’t want to know about theirs.
Kitchen Table Versus Parallel Polyamory
How much contact you want with your metamours (a word that polyamorous people often use to describe their partner’s other partners) is something that polyamorous people do vary on. » Read more
I’ve been reading your blog for quite some time now, I find it super helpful. I have a question…you and Justin have a power exchange relationship, right? How does the fact that he owns you affect your other relationships? I’m in a similar situation and am curious how others handle it.
This is a great question! » Read more