“My partner is a reflection of me,” she said.
“What he does,” she continued. “Who he chooses to spend time with.”
“And your metamour?” I said.
“She’s not someone I’d have chosen for him. Not someone I’d choose for myself. Do you know what I mean?” » Read more
“Polyamory?” I’m sometimes asked. “Isn’t that a lot of hard work?”
And the poly honor student answer goes a little something like this: “Of course it is! But it’s well worth the effort.”
But I’m not much of an honor student. And the truth is? The way I’ve learned to approach polyamory, » Read more
So you’ve taken the leap into polyamory. Worked hard on your insecurities. Found partners to explore relationships with. Heck, you’ve even negotiated effective relationship agreements.
You’re living the dream!
And they all live happily ever after, right?
Well. Not so fast.
It’s very common to find that your relationship agreement works out differently in practice than it did in theory. » Read more
PQ 6.7 — In what ways do I actively listen to my partners?
“In order to be loved, we have to love, which means we have to understand.”
-Thich Nhat Hanh
“Most people do not listen with the intent to understand. They listen with the intent to reply.” » Read more
I recently stumbled across a post from Poly Talk called “Is Solo Polyamory Ableist?”
In the piece, Codi Coday asserts that solo polyamory as a relationship style is inaccessible and ableist, i.e., that it is discriminatory against individuals who are not able-bodied.
Quite a statement.
I wasn’t quite sure what to make of it, » Read more
Negotiating boundaries and setting expectations are both crucial in polyamory. Being polyamorous involves moving away from The Standard Romantic Relationship Script, in which society largely defines expectations and rules in relationships. And instead, in polyamory it’s vital to look to the people within the relationship to define and develop what those expectations should be. I’ve written previously about best practices for negotiating relationship agreements, » Read more
The geese are extra territorial at the zoo. “Must be mating season,” I say.
Skyspook nods. “The start of it anyway.”
A cacophony of honks explodes in the air. Jockeying for mates.
There are so many ducks on the water. Most of them are acting up, just like the geese. » Read more
PQ 6.6 — Do I communicate authentically in ways that make me vulnerable?
I’m often asked, especially by newly polyamorous folks, if it’s possible to get better at dealing with stress that comes from adjusting to it all. Can we make peace with unhelpful social scripts we’ve learned from a society that overwhelmingly tells us that monogamy is the only reasonable, » Read more
“What prompted the ‘biphobic’ comment from a reader?” they ask me.
I laugh. “That was several months ago. It was in response to this post. I admit in the piece I was near the line, and I knew it would be controversial. I was encouraged by several other queer people to write it because they wanted to but feared the backlash.” » Read more
PQ 6.5 — Do I look for hidden meanings in other people’s words? Do I bury my real meaning?
She is the most beautiful woman in the world. We’re whizzing down the road. A rural route. Trees rush by. She’s in the driver’s seat, like always. Her long black hair glints in the sun. » Read more