Mind the Whiplash: Managing the Stress of Renegotiation

a bullrider riding a bull at a rodeo with a large audience. the rider is wearing a cowboy hat. the image catches him in mid-buck of the bull, so he has a startled expression on his face.
Image by Paula R. Lively / CC BY

So you’ve taken the leap into polyamory. Worked hard on your insecurities. Found partners to explore relationships with. Heck, you’ve even negotiated effective relationship agreements.

You’re living the dream!

And they all live happily ever after, right?

Well. Not so fast.

It’s very common to find that your relationship agreement works out differently in practice than it did in theory.  » Read more

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Is Solo Polyamory Ableist?: A Readers’ Response Discussion

2 cartoon dinosaurs (looks like dimetrodon) hanging out, the one on the left has a speech balloon full of pink flowers
Image by hills_alive / CC BY

I recently stumbled across a post from Poly Talk called “Is Solo Polyamory Ableist?”

In the piece, Codi Coday asserts that solo polyamory as a relationship style is inaccessible and ableist, i.e., that it is discriminatory against individuals who are not able-bodied.

Quite a statement.

I wasn’t quite sure what to make of it,  » Read more

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Polyamory and Power Exchange: Negotiating From the Bottom

2 dogs wrestling: a white dog on top, a beagle on the bottom who has a surprised expression on its face
Image by walkadog / CC BY

Negotiating boundaries and setting expectations are both crucial in polyamory. Being polyamorous involves moving away from The Standard Romantic Relationship Script, in which society largely defines expectations and rules in relationships. And instead, in polyamory it’s vital to look to the people within the relationship to define and develop what those expectations should be. I’ve written previously about  best practices for negotiating relationship agreements,   » Read more

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PQ 6.6 — Do I communicate authentically in ways that make me vulnerable?

a Siamese cat lying on its back on concrete with its tummy exposed in a very vulnerable position
Image by Robert Couse-Baker / CC BY

PQ 6.6 — Do I communicate authentically in ways that make me vulnerable?

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I’m often asked, especially by newly polyamorous folks, if it’s possible to get better at dealing with stress that comes from adjusting to it all. Can we make peace with unhelpful social scripts we’ve learned from a society that overwhelmingly tells us that monogamy is the only reasonable,  » Read more

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Sexual Fluidity: Sailing Polyamory Through Uncharted Waters

a large galleon (old-fashioned ship with 2 large masts) is docked at a harbor
Image by Rob Bixby / CC BY

“What prompted the ‘biphobic’ comment from a reader?” they ask me.

I laugh. “That was several months ago. It was in response to this post. I admit in the piece I was near the line, and I knew it would be controversial. I was encouraged by several other queer people to write it because they wanted to but feared the backlash.”  » Read more

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PQ 6.5 — Do I look for hidden meanings in other people’s words? Do I bury my real meaning?

a crystal ball, in which there is a view of a coastal scene, including a vibrantly blue sky
Image by Pai Shih / CC BY

PQ 6.5 — Do I look for hidden meanings in other people’s words? Do I bury my real meaning?

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She is the most beautiful woman in the world. We’re whizzing down the road. A rural route. Trees rush by. She’s in the driver’s seat, like always. Her long black hair glints in the sun.  » Read more

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