PQ 9.10 — Do I feel I have no expectation of privacy in my other relationships?
I’ve written a bit about the importance of letting others have privacy in an earlier piece: Buttinski, #1 Metamour, or Compervert: Walking that Fine Line. As I wrote then:
While an overall atmosphere of transparency is a wonderful thing in polyamory (as it can promote understanding and build trust), » Read more
PQ 9.9 — Am I being asked to give up relationships with friends or family?
It’s funny. Back when I became monogamous with Seth, I didn’t give a single thought to my autonomy. When we got together, I basically stepped out of my own life and into his. When he didn’t like one of my friends, » Read more
“You own everything that happened to you. Tell your stories. If people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should have behaved better.”
“My Brutally Honest Adventures in Polyamory?” he says.
I nod. “When I wrote that book, » Read more
You want to fall in love with a shoe, go ahead. A shoe can’t love you back, but, on the other hand, a shoe can’t hurt you too deeply either. And there are so many nice-looking shoes.
“Ugh,” he says, frowning at his phone.
“What is it?” » Read more
Every fall into love involves the triumph of hope over self-knowledge. We fall in love hoping we won’t find in another what we know is in ourselves, all the cowardice, weakness, laziness, dishonesty, compromise, and stupidity. We throw a cordon of love around the chosen one and decide that everything within it will somehow be free of our faults. » Read more
“I don’t know how you do it,” she says.
“Do what?” I say.
“Polyamory,” she says.
“Happily,” I reply.
She laughs. “It just always seems like you have something stressful going on. If it’s not an issue with one of your partners, something’s going on with one of their partners. » Read more
It’s a familiar pattern. Something has been weighing on me. I’ve been holding it inside. And it’s grown too heavy. So finally I just break down and ask him.
“How can you be so relaxed? Why aren’t you scared? How are you able to trust me when I’ve broken your heart once before?” » Read more
PQ 9.8 — Does my partner make me feel worse about myself?
Before I begin, a quick caveat: I get what this question is driving at, but saying someone “makes” us feel a certain way can have a downside.
A lot of people are scared of polyamory and other forms of ethical non-monogamy because they worry their partner will compare them to others. » Read more
PQ 9.7 — Am I being asked to participate in, or be complicit in, something I consider dishonest or unethical?
“I don’t like being negative,” I say. I’ve just finished complaining about something another person did that really bothered me.
“It’s hard having morals,” he says.
I laugh. » Read more
“Face the demons if they approach, but don’t go demon hunting,” my friend Gull says.
It’s solid advice.
At one point in my life, I was totally overrun by demons. They poured in like one of those epic scenes in The Lord of the Rings. Think the Battle of Helmsdeep. » Read more