Loss

I am still lost. A traveler here. But I’ve recognized I have no home where I came from, no place to go back to. This sets my course.

I lost everything I had. I lost very little.

This is not the first time I’ve suffered a great loss, turned my back on people I’ve loved in the name of self-preservation.  » Read more

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Respect

I’ll never forget that night. November 1999, my first semester of college.

I had gone to a party hosted by the music frat. I knew a lot of people there because I played in the jazz ensemble and orchestra, even though I wasn’t in any Greek groups. I was there with J, this beautiful genderqueer boy I had met through the atheist group on campus (having become quite enamored with secular ethics),  » Read more

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The Power of Words

1997

The day after it happens, I go to school with a headache and slivers of memory. There are pieces missing, things I can’t find an explanation for. When I see the smirking faces, I feel blood burning in my brain, my body reacting without any input from my mind. I bolt to the bathroom and throw up.  » Read more

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It Always Felt Like An Affair

And in hindsight, that should have told me something. “She doesn’t have to know how serious we are yet. She just wouldn’t understand.”

I thought it was romantic that he would lie to her by omission. That we’d have little secrets that only the two of us would know. I thought they were harmless and bred intimacy.  » Read more

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About the Other Night

The spirit is the energy that moves between us, one to the other. When we struggle, fight, collapse together, we unearth our depths. I am actually located at the depth to which I attach to myself. This is where I attach to you, interlocking seamlessly. We can imagine it as a projection, if we stop to imagine all those details that were never explained,  » Read more

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Sincerity

I was at a backyard bonfire party many years ago when I saw a friend vigorously fellate a hot dog. I know. No big deal, right? You might be wondering why I remember something so mundane.

The trouble was that my friend was asexual to the point of being sex negative and despised giving head.  » Read more

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Mono-Flexible

This is the term Skyspook came up with to describe myself with regards with monogamy/non-monogamy.

I think my natural orientation is for monogamy, the simplicity. I am very sensitive, tend to get obsessed with romantic partners, and am easily satisfied.

At the same time, I am able to be polyamorous, have the skill set for managing multiple relationships and dealing with insecurities,  » Read more

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Weighty Matters

a person in a blue bikini, leading another person across a sandy beach

Dieting has been very much a part of my psyche since I first started going to Weight Watchers meetings at 3 years old. I found the brochures exquisite, color-coded, graduating through a program whose logical progression appeased my young brain’s need for order. They were the first thing I read. While my mother made copious notes on a legal pad,  » Read more

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Yes, I’m the Crazy Ex

I have a bounty of exes, ex-girlfriends, ex-boyfriends, now even an ex-husband.

In short, I’m a lot of people’s crazy ex.

I love so hard it hurts.

I spent my childhood terribly lonely. I was out in the country, far from my school friends. The other members of my household found me obnoxious and weird,  » Read more

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