Occasionally, I wonder if I belong on “the scene,” curious because I regularly go to parties and events and have even toyed with the idea of teaching a class or two – and then after rejecting or ignoring a few dozen advances, I start to ask myself: Am I in the right place? Or is the scene better left to people who are still looking for play partners, » Read more
My bike’s tires are a lot like me. Cautious and a bit clingy but reliable. They grip the road snugly, though they make it difficult to keep up with Skyspook on our rides, slowing me down. His tires are larger, smoother, thinner, flick over the road with ease. He’s had 3 flats but knows how to fix them and has done so each time, » Read more
Earlier this week, I posted a blog entry called “mono guilt,” in which I felt like I was in a lose/lose situation regarding staying monogamous with Skyspook versus opening up our relationship. Since we mutually decided to close our relationship roughly a year ago and both report satisfaction with being sexually exclusive to one another, » Read more
This was actually an entry from a private journal I posted October 16, 2011, so Skyspook and I were newer to doing dungeon scenes and pain work together, but it really spells out some of my inner turmoil and the process I was going through at that time. I found it interesting in hindsight, so I thought it’d be nice to repost it:
Posted on 2011.10.16 at 11:25 » Read more
The energy at the dungeon was in rare form last night –
I find myself vacillating between which will kill my relationship with Skyspook faster, which is the bigger risk: Staying monogamous with him, limiting his options, potentially choking that new fresh spark out of us once and for all with a lack of sexual variety and/or a feeling that I’m trying to control him or own his sexuality – » Read more
I was cruising through some old chat logs for a romantic trip down memory lane and came across myself explaining to Skyspook about my personal views on language:
Conversation with skyspook at 5/11/2011 on irc:
(2:50:32 PM) page: I wanted to say it without saying it
(2:50:44 PM) page: that’s how poetry is, » Read more
I had a professor back in the day who used to say, “The poetry isn’t in the words. It’s everything in between the words.” And I believe poetry is what happens inside the reader as a result of the piece.
Poetry is the finesse, the connotations we derive, the emotional and intellectual resonance that results from the words that are read or spoken. » Read more
We were met at the entrance of the Dom Pamporium by our hostess.
She asked another Dom and Skyspook if they were there to be pampered. Both responded in the affirmative.
“And you?” she asked me.
“I’m here to learn.” I told her.
“Of course,” she nodded graciously. » Read more
It isn’t fair that I’m so happy, so safe, secure while you struggle. You were there for a lot of it, for the worst of it, if not directly there, a simple phone call or letter away. I knew I could call you, and you’d drive hours to pick me up, buy me an ice cream cone, » Read more
Because you wrote me your own letter over a decade ago as part of Step 9, and the one I drafted so quickly in reply was in gentle terms disingenuous, in bolder terms, a lie. I forgave you, or at least voiced my forgiveness to you, then because I wanted you better, needed you better. » Read more