Welcome to Fight Club

I’ve been wanting to write this essay for a while, stopped and started. Floundered.

Because while I feel strongly about the following issue, I find myself reluctant to admit openly that Skyspook and I have had disagreements. Which is ludicrous, really. But I’m a victim of social pressure. So many times have I heard people in relationships proudly proclaiming,  » Read more

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The Little Clit That Could

a train at a train station

I remember the first orgasm I ever had for one distinct reason: It terrified me.

It was New Year’s Eve ’97, and I was sitting on my boyfriend Greg’s lap, straddling him as we kissed on the couch, and he fondled my breasts – a Kathy Griffin stand-up special blaring raucously in the background.  » Read more

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Better Than a Friend

So much work has already been done, sorting out my own head, my feelings, thought patterns, behaviors. And so much lies ahead.

Today, a single thought crystallizes into word form, “He treats me better than a friend, and this is what shocks me.”

I’ve felt this, thought it wordlessly, nebulously, without form –  » Read more

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Slave Heart

May 23, 2011:

I’m in the midst of an incredible romance with Skyspook. He keeps doing things for me that I like, taking me places I like, etc, just because I like them (something I’m not at all used to). Also we are play fighting (hitting, wrestling, biting, etc) with a vengeance –  » Read more

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Domestic Service

As I’m sweeping the floor, I find myself thinking of last night, how you grabbed my hair as I sucked you off and thrust until you came, wild with desire. You’d been so gentle until that moment, polite. I run the thought over in my head, polishing it like a stone, lording over the fact that I’ve learned your body well enough to draw out your animal instincts,  » Read more

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Discretion/Cowardice?

“Before you treat me, I need to make sure you’re comfortable with a few things.”

“Such as?”

“I’m part of the local kink community. I’m really into it. It’s important to me.”

“Kink community?” The look on my therapist’s face is one of sheer confusion.

I sigh.  » Read more

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Loss

I am still lost. A traveler here. But I’ve recognized I have no home where I came from, no place to go back to. This sets my course.

I lost everything I had. I lost very little.

This is not the first time I’ve suffered a great loss, turned my back on people I’ve loved in the name of self-preservation.  » Read more

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Respect

I’ll never forget that night. November 1999, my first semester of college.

I had gone to a party hosted by the music frat. I knew a lot of people there because I played in the jazz ensemble and orchestra, even though I wasn’t in any Greek groups. I was there with J, this beautiful genderqueer boy I had met through the atheist group on campus (having become quite enamored with secular ethics),  » Read more

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