PQ 5.6 — What values are the most important to me in myself and in others?
Like a lot of people, I have multiple important values that mean a lot to me. But for years, I’ve been envious of people who could distill their top value into a single word. Working in organizational development, I run into this a lot, » Read more
You Can’t Un-Learn a Thing
Once upon a time, I hadn’t even heard of the word “polyamory.” But when a friend came out to me as polyamorous, that changed forever.
You can’t un-learn a thing.
It was a paradigm shift. I no longer saw a strict binary: Monogamy/non-monogamy. With monogamy, as the ideal goal, » Read more
PQ 5.5 — How much do I value personal autonomy, transparency, cohabitation, having and raising children, shared finances, community, tradition, the opinions of my friends and family, adhering to social norms?
Wow. Okay. This is roughly 9 questions. I have a lot of answering to do. No time to waste. Here we go! » Read more
I stare at the question on my screen.
You’ve been clear that you aren’t of the “I’ve always been poly” school. In that case, what turned you poly?
And maybe it’s because I’m exhausted, but I laugh so hard I scare my cat.
“What turned me poly?” » Read more
When polyamory is good, it’s very good indeed. And when it’s not? When it’s bad, it’s horrid.
Whether you’re polyamorous, monogamous, or somewhere in between, here are some relationship red flags to look out for:
1. Your partner is putting you in double binds.
A double bind is when a person sends out two different messages, » Read more
PQ 5.4 — When I think about the future, what does it look like? Is there room for change and growth? (see also 2.4 and 2.5)
Chapter 5 is turning into the repeat-y-est chapter to date as far as questions I’ve already pretty much answered. Here are PQ 2.4 and PQ 2.5, » Read more
“Experience is a good teacher, but she sends in terrific bills.”
Whatever You Do, Don’t Be a Ferengi
“Oh great,” my friend says. “Another married couple newly opened up. How original.”
I smile. But uncomfortably. Wondering if my friend judges me for my past. She’s solo poly, » Read more
PQ 5.3 — What does “commitment” mean to me, and why? (see also 1.6)
Today’s question is strikingly similiar to PQ 1.6 (How do I define commitment? Is it possible for me to commit to more than one person at a time, and if so, what would those commitments look like?). » Read more
Sometimes we meet someone, and for no clear reason, we dislike them instantly. Or we’re incredibly jealous of them. Sometimes it’s both.
We do not come into relationships unbiased. Instead, we enter them as a collection of all of our life experiences. And those we vicariously witness. Through the lives of those close to us. » Read more
PQ 5.2 — What needs do I have from my partners, in terms of time, emotional availability, commitment, communication and intimacy?
Sometimes I think life would be easier if I had a fixed idea of what a “partner” is.
But I don’t.
I look back on all the people that I’ve known and loved, » Read more