Swing and a Miss: Gaslighting, Projection & Introjection

Much has been made recently of gaslighting, and it’s a very important concept to keep track of, boundary policing being of paramount importance especially in those who have multiple relationships. Here’s a good essay on gaslighting: http://www.polyamorousmisanthrope.com/2011/11/02/on-gasslighting/

Briefly: Gaslighting is a form of manipulation in which the target is continually forced to question their own sanity.  » Read more

Continue Reading


“Emotionally, you’re 90 years old,” my boss says.

It’s one of those weeks, ever increasing in frequency, where I’m frustrated with her for not seeing the big picture, for not thinking ahead of the current decisions and fitting it into future strategy. Acting as if only the present moment exists is a low-pressure state,  » Read more

Continue Reading


Month one of the re-poly was known as Jankuary.

Month two is hereby christened Fubar-uary.

I’m struggling a bit today but want to log these thoughts for future self, so I doubt this writing will be as tidy as some of my others. The inner turmoil could very well be hormonal,  » Read more

Continue Reading


“Men are awful,” M said. “If I were you, I’d stick to dating girls.”

“I’ve never dated a girl,” I told him.

“Well, something’s going on,” he observed. “I’ve seen the way you look at them and the way they look at you. Especially when you’re on stage.”

I blushed,  » Read more

Continue Reading


a brick wall that has "JANKY" painted on it

Photo by Daquella Manera / CC BY


(adjective) inferior quality; held in low social regard; old and dilapidated; refers almost exclusively to inanimate material objects, not to people


The inaugural month of our return to poly life has come and gone.  » Read more

Continue Reading

The Wine Pledge

glass of red wine
Image by Gonmi / CC BY

In vino motherfucking veritas.

Reopening my relationship with Skyspook has brought up a lot of emotions, many of them good, some of them bad, on both sides. However, even the bad has been largely productive — like sweeping under area rugs that haven’t been lifted for a while, cleaning up old trauma, childhood messes,  » Read more

Continue Reading

There is Debris in the Road

There is debris in the road.

The last few weeks have been eventful. I had my first meetups with matches from OkCupid and have started dating someone, a boy a decent bit younger than me who is also far more into submission than the men I normally date. To say it’s been interesting would be a profound understatement.  » Read more

Continue Reading

The Crocs of Sex

I want to negotiate, Seth writes, but I don’t even know where to start. 

A hot girl wants to top him, he adds, one from our old poly/swing circle back in Maine. I know her but not well.

Talk about your fantasies. Talk about what you’d like to get out of the arrangement.  » Read more

Continue Reading