Things I Do Believe

Something my therapist has been working on with me lately is examining old beliefs, basically things other people have told me that I find problematic and stressful and reframing or rejecting them as necessary. In addition, I’ve been tasked with building a belief system that suits me,  my life where it is now, where I want to go –  » Read more

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Not a Grown Up

Me: I’m not a grown up. I don’t know what I’m doing.

Skyspook: No one really does.

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When it comes to feeling truly loved and understood by another human being, I am roughly 3 years old.

My relationship with my mother is deeply troubled as she is mentally ill and only recently compliant with any sort of treatment (to the tune of starting talk therapy about 3 or 4 years ago).  » Read more

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Happiness is a Warm Gun

“Holy shit!” I broke into uncontrollable cackles, after I’d fired off 2 rounds. “I get why you do this!”

I was shooting a gun for the first time, a dainty .22 pistol, at this anything goes backwoods outdoor range and had managed to decimate one of the many cans of orange soda we’d procured at the dollar store for just this purpose.  » Read more

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Paradigm Shift

I woke up yesterday morning, completely without warning, with a sense that a giant weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I felt lighter, more at peace. My anxiety was better than I can remember it being. I could speak without the echo of fear and doubt that accompanies most of my social interactions (in the manner of quick thoughts like “well,  » Read more

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Abuse

I was in a relationship for many years where whenever I asked for any assistance, albeit with finances, chores, or emotional support, I was told that I was abusive and a burden and responsible for causing his depression by “being such a bitch.”

I was told that even bringing up the topic of sex or attempting seduction more than once or twice a week was sexual coercion and attempted rape and that I was guilty of repeated habitual sexual assault by baring my breasts unprompted or touching him without invitation to do so –  » Read more

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The Move

Me: Sometimes I feel like I’m way out on a branch, and I feel the wind blow, and at any moment the branch could break, and I’d fall.

Skyspook: Or fly.

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“What brought you to Ohio?”

The honest answers always sound crazy. Desperation, loneliness, a sense of impending doom,  » Read more

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Why Write?

Even though I’ve recently set up this public blog presence of my charmed life and kinky times, I’ve been posting introspection and navel-gazing on predominantly kinky topics on Fetlife for some time. Fetlife (fetish + life, get it?), or Fet/FL as a lot of users call it, is social network for kinky people – essentially Facebook for kinksters,  » Read more

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