The Grind

“I had sexy dreams about you,” he murmurs from that half-awake place as I wrap my arms around him.

“You’re a walking sex dream to me,” I reply.

I slip away, out the door. Time for the drive again, as it always is. Three highways out, four highways back. The sunrise yawns open.  » Read more

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Malapropisms

Learning that the term “crapshoot” was derived from a roll of the dice in a casino game and not simply an alternate name for the rectum (i.e., the “poop chute”) used idiomatically to denote unpredictability was inordinately disappointing in such a way that it’s been about 20 years since I realized this, and I still remember it vividly.  » Read more

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Police Cruiser

While I’m walking around downtown, a (female) police officer comes up to me and says, “You look nice. You have a nice face. Very nice looking.” I thank her (because I don’t  know what else to say) and she walks off. Random though oddly flattering.  » Read more

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custom burn from Drunken Page

Got an abusive partner or ex-partner who keeps trying to get under your skin by telling you how crazy you are, calling you a psycho? Try this one on for size: “Yeah, I’m psycho. If I’m psycho, then you’re a hallucination because the only reason I’m crazy is I keep seeing you.”  » Read more

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