Self-Signaling, or Why “Fake It ‘Til You Make It” Is Actually Good Advice

a chalk drawing of a stick figure going up a set of stairs
Image by Pixabay / CC 0

We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful about what we pretend to be.

-Kurt Vonnegut

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Action seems to follow feeling, but really action and feeling go together; and by regulating the action, which is under the more direct control of the will, we can indirectly regulate the feeling,  » Read more

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Education Is Not About Knowing the Answers. It’s About Learning to Ask Better Questions.

a room full of bookshelves and books stacked on the floor in large piles next to the shelves
Image by Pixabay / CC 0

For a long time, I always felt a lot of pressure to know all the answers. Whenever a question was asked, I was on it.

Life seemed like a quiz show, except the fabulous cash and prizes were the esteem of other people. Being viewed as someone who was smart, which back then to me meant “had all the answers.”  » Read more

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A Different Kind of Self-Confidence: Letting Enough Be Enough Rather than Needing to Feel Like You’re the Best

a red beach ball floating in the ocean
Image by Pixabay / CC 0

There’s always been a lot of pressure to express self-confidence a certain way, in grandiose inflated terms, something that goes a little like this:

“I know I’m terrific. Wonderful. The absolute best. No one and nothing’s gonna hold me back.”

But for me, it’s just not realistic. When I speak the words,  » Read more

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It’s Not Silly to Want Things. What’s Silly Is Thinking That It’s Silly.

a clear tray full of pink crystals
by Page Turner (snapshot)

A few weeks ago, I posted an essay called “It’s Easy to Convince Yourself That an Opportunity Has Passed Forever, But That Doesn’t Mean You’re Right.”

In it, I write about about stumbling upon one of those DIY crystal-growing kits while I’m out shopping for presents and remembering how much I wanted one as a kid,  » Read more

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It’s Easy to Convince Yourself That an Opportunity Has Passed Forever, But That Doesn’t Mean You’re Right.

a closeup of some amethyst crystals
Image by Kevin Rheese / CC BY

“You know,” I say to Justin as we’re out shopping for presents, “I’ve always wanted one of those.”

It’s a kit that lets you grow your own crystals. On the box it says that it’s suitable for ages 10 and up.

“Probably sounds silly,” I say. “But yeah. Lusted after this kind of thing pretty hard when I was a kid.”  » Read more

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