It’s well known that dishonesty can be damaging to interpersonal relationships. When we find out someone has lied to us, it can be very difficult to trust them again.
But how about the other side of things? When someone has lied to us, even if no one discovers that they have lied, does the act carry consequences for them as well? » Read more
I’ve written quite a few times on this website about attachment styles. As I’ve written in those previous posts, perhaps the biggest lesson of all in child development is that the first year of so of our life is a radically important time for us emotionally. While we continue to learn about trust and social relationships over the course of our life (and experience another notable period of turbulence at puberty), » Read more
Life is messy. Complicated. Human beings are imperfect, and even in good friendships and romantic relationships, there will come a time when one person will step on the other’s toes.
And after the person whose toe was stepped has dealt with the immediate pain and impact, they’ll often move to the question of intent. » Read more
I remember the first time I heard the term “secondary gain.”
I was transcribing charts for a large hospital system. I had recently transitioned to a floating role, where I had a primary hospital account I worked for but had been considered flexible and capable enough to work basically anywhere. To cover other people’s time off. » Read more
Many long-time readers of the blog know that I identify as a recovering people pleaser. It’s been a long road to recovery, bolstered by an excellent support system and a round of assertiveness therapy several years back.
Growing up under the thumb of a difficult mercurial parent, I learned early on how to anticipate her needs and accommodate them, » Read more
It all stems from a joke on the TV show How I Met Your Mother. Character Barney Stinson points out that when women sit in groups that they all seem more attractive than if they were sitting alone. He calls this the Cheerleader Effect and likens it to how a squad of cheerleaders look gorgeous mid-routine but comparatively plain Jane alone. » Read more
My grandma once told me that if you’re sad that you should just put on bright lipstick and smile.
Her reasoning was more about self-protection than anything else. She said that people would be too busy looking at your lipstick to notice your sadness.
And so you’d avoid the most dreadful states of all: Pity. » Read more
It can be tough when you have a difficult message to deliver. Especially unpleasant news.
I’ve definitely been in situations when I had to be the one to deliver bad news and then promptly had my head bitten off by the recipient — even in situations where I didn’t do anything and all of the action involved third parties! » Read more
Like a lot of other people, I grew up in a house where we didn’t really discuss emotions at all — and certainly not negative emotions.
In fact, it wasn’t until I was in my 30s that I was good at differentiating between them and expressing them clearly. I’d learned that you said you were “mad” » Read more
As I wrote in the last installment of this series, science’s role is to test hypotheses and uncover the truth. Sometimes this uncovered truth is surprising. Other times it’s a big duh, “Well thanks for the info, Captain Obvious” kind of moment.
Frankly, reality doesn’t care as much about our biases as we do. » Read more