We all mess up from time to time. We’re human. And it can be especially hard getting called out when we make a mistake, doubly so when it’s by someone we care about. But if we do hurt someone we’re close to, it’s good for them to tell us so we can do better.
Except sometimes the criticism isn’t valid. » Read more
What are my needs in relationships? Are they attached to specific people? That is, do I need these things generally, or do I need them just from certain people?
Casual relationships are simple. For casual relationships, I need things to be entertaining and fun, and as long there’s physical chemistry, » Read more
The trouble with lacking healthy boundaries is that you can get away without having them for a long time. And when I say a long time, I mean a REALLY long time. We’re talking decades.
If you’re a doormat or a people pleaser, you didn’t become one overnight. You grew into this from your social environment, » Read more
It’s a sad fact of life that we fall apart in front of those we feel safest with.
We keep it together in front of the boss, but when we get home from the office, we break into tears and snap at our love(s) about dinner not being ready. Or it’s their day to fall apart, » Read more
If I am already in a relationship, does my desire for others come from my dissatisfaction or unhappiness with my current relationship? If I were in a relationship that met my needs, would I still want multiple partners?
I addressed this in an earlier essay I wrote called “Needy” » Read more
Key Things to Keep in Mind About Happiness
(from Stumbling on Happiness by Dan Gilbert)
1) We often exaggerate in imagining the long-term emotional effects certain events will have on us.
2) Most of us tend to have a basic level of happiness which we revert to eventually. » Read more
Poly Question 1.6
How do I define commitment? Is it possible for me to commit to more than one person at a time, and if so, what would those commitments look like?
“There is no such thing as a lover’s oath.”
From “Worse is Better and Better, » Read more
“That reminds me of someone I used to date who…”
I used to do this so often that Seth and Megan got so they could anticipate when it was about to happen. I’d get this look on my face, nostalgic with a little thrill, as though a memory had been sparked back to life. » Read more
It’s a painful kind of limbo, being extremely physically attracted to someone, all the while knowing if I actually had to be in a relationship with them, odds are I would be constructing a morning star from large unopened ravioli cans and wailing them in the head before the end of the first week. » Read more
Poly Question 1.5
How important is transparency to me? If I have more than one lover, am I happy with them knowing about each other? If they have other lovers, am I happy knowing them?
The importance of transparency for me is very context dependent.
Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell Sucks
I could never have an ongoing romantic relationship with someone who would not meet Skyspook. » Read more