PQ 5.11 — What do I expect of others, and why?

shop sign that reads "Closed. Will return when you least expect it. Thank you! Please come again!"
Image by Ben Husmann / CC BY

PQ 5.11 — What do I expect of others, and why?

Here are a few pieces I’ve written about the tricky nature of expectations:

  1. You Get What You Expect, Kinda: Resilient People Aren’t Always Positive
  2. Happy Poly-Days, Because for Some? Holidays Are Basically the Worst
  3. It’s Not a Cure-All: 8 Things Polyamory Doesn’t Fix

I’ve learned to not expect a lot of people.  » Read more

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PQ 5.10 — How do I evaluate my choices when the effects of my actions are impossible to predict?

a small figurine of Jiminy Cricket, a main character of the movie Pinocchio. Jiminy Cricket is a small cricket in dress clothes and a jaunty top hat.
Image by nancynance / CC BY

PQ 5.10 — How do I evaluate my choices when the effects of my actions are impossible to predict?

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I hate to break it to you, but those times when the effects of your actions are impossible to predict?

That’s nearly 100% of the time. Especially when it comes to interpersonal interactions.  » Read more

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I Disliked Them the Moment I Met Them: Transference and Jealousy

black & white photo of 3 cows standing in a row
Image by Mathias Ripp / CC BY

Sometimes we meet someone, and for no clear reason, we dislike them instantly. Or we’re incredibly jealous of them. Sometimes it’s both.

We do not come into relationships unbiased. Instead, we enter them as a collection of all of our life experiences. And those we vicariously witness. Through the lives of those close to us.  » Read more

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PQ 5.2 — What needs do I have from my partners, in terms of time, emotional availability, commitment, communication and intimacy?

2 small wooden toys - they look like simplified version of people. they are "standing" close together
Image by JD Hancock / CC BY

PQ 5.2 — What needs do I have from my partners, in terms of time, emotional availability, commitment, communication and intimacy?

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Sometimes I think life would be easier if I had a fixed idea of what a “partner” is.

But I don’t.

I look back on all the people that I’ve known and loved,  » Read more

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We Can’t Actually Do the Most Important Emotional Labor for Others: The Plight of the Unpaid Therapist

a bunch of miniature men on a mining expedition of some giant strawberries, used to represent emotional labor
Image by JD Hancock / CC BY

Emotional Labor, the Plight of the Unpaid Therapist

People have been talking more and more the past few years about emotional labor, the unpaid stress that people acting as caregivers endure by providing emotional support to others. This isn’t limited to just the workplace, however. Women in particular are disproportionately expected in their personal lives (even with strangers) to manage our own emotions in a way that makes whoever we are talking with comfortable,  » Read more

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PQ 4.7 — In what ways do I protect myself from being hurt? Do those strategies help or hinder my search for connection?

2 images: the top image is a picture of a hand held sideways with a red heart drawn on it. in the bottom picture, the fingers of the hand are spread apart, making it appears asa though the heart from the first image is broken into 4 pieces - text on the palm of the hand in both images says "you make me sick because I adore you so"
Image by xanetia / CC BY

PQ 4.7 — In what ways do I protect myself from being hurt? Do those strategies help or hinder my search for connection?

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I know it’s folly to forever wait for the punch. To flinch against blows that aren’t coming. On the off chance that they might.

And yet,  » Read more

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