Once upon a time, I was that person stuck in a miserable relationship. I knew I was unhappy — and that my partner was unhappy, too. But I also knew that relationships were work. That it wasn’t always going to be easy.
So when things got hard in my first marriage, » Read more
There’s a lot of joking about “letting yourself go” when you get into a long-term relationship. A lot of times people are referring to superficial concerns. Like gaining a few extra pounds. Not taking the same care to dress attractively.
That sort of thing.
But there’s a bigger threat, I think, » Read more
Once upon a time, I thought that I would become secure if the right people just said the right words the right number of times. Like a magic spell, an incantation of love, all of the deficiencies within me — my wrongs — would be righted, if someone close to me only told me what I needed to hear. » Read more
“I feel like social media has primed us all to be worse friends,” she says.
“Huh,” I say.
“You don’t agree?” she says.
“Well, I don’t know. I’m not sure I know exactly what you mean by that,” I say. “It sounds interesting.”
“I feel like everything’s been turned into a performance. » Read more
I’ve been in near-complete lockdown since mid March of 2020. This is because I work from home (and so does my partner).
My family of origin and in-laws both live hundreds of miles away cross-country, so there’s little pressure to do any in-person gatherings because the logistics are a bit daunting even in non-COVID times. » Read more
It’s hard to explain to people who aren’t in our relationship why it was worth working through the hard times. Why I never, not once, seriously entertained ending our relationship. Even though it wasn’t always easy.
Because it wasn’t. We had a rough spot. One that lasted a lot longer than I was used to rough spots lasting. » Read more
I am lying in bed trying to ignore the heaviness in my stomach. From stress. So much stress.
I’m rereading a book from The Baby-Sitters Club series. I had no idea growing up that there were 131 of them. I had a semi-random assortment of them, picked up at yard sales. » Read more
Have you written anything about how to set boundaries without hurting people? I struggle with worrying that I’m going to hurt people when I set boundaries, so I keep it to myself until it starts to hurt *me.*
I want to start off this article by being very clear about one thing: No matter what you do, » Read more
You don’t need to apologize for being imperfect. I’m not interested in perfect.
It doesn’t exist anyway. Not really. There are no perfect people; only perfect edits.
The best you can ever do is perfect for you. And I really believe you are.
When we first got together, you told me, » Read more
I used to be a person who scoffed at the advice that it was better to be friends first with those you’d date. It seemed rather untenable. Why wouldn’t you start dating someone right away if you felt a strong spark? Why wait?
And wouldn’t it be kind of weird to date your friends after knowing them for a while? » Read more