Don’t “Lower” Your Dating Standards. Examine Them.

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Image by Margaret W. Carruthers / CC BY

Look, I’ll just say it. Some people are really bad at picking romantic partners. What drives interpersonal attraction is often mysterious, hard to pin down. Perhaps it’s pheromones. Maybe it’s something within our genes deciding that we’d make good offspring with THAT PERSON OVER THERE (a phenomenon that strangely occurs even when it’s not biologically possible to bear children with a partner for whatever reason).  » Read more

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It Was Terrifying the First Time I Dated Someone Who Was Really Good to Me

an abstract 3D rendition of a white tower on a blue background. The white tower has a bunch of holes arbitrarily punched into it, as though it had been attacked by a hole puncher
Image by Pixabay / CC 0

I remember being scared a lot when we first started dating. Suspicious. Worried.

Not about you. Not about us. Or our fit. No, we always made sense to me.

I was worried because you kept doing nice things for me. Completely unprompted. You paid close attention to me, and you saw the areas of my life that were unwieldy and offered to help.  » Read more

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Does Abuse Require Bad Intent or Can It Be the Result of Simple Incompetence?

a closeup of a red glowing eye on a human/machine hybrid
Image by I am R. / CC BY

I didn’t think of myself as being a survivor of anything — much less abuse — until I was in my 30s.

The news was delivered to me in my therapist’s office, spoken as an casual aside, quickly, as though she assumed the information was obvious to me.

“Well, that’s pretty common for people who have had abusive childhoods,  » Read more

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Once Upon a Time, You Could Sue People for Breaking Up With You

a broken heart
Image by Pixabay / CC 0

Our current conception of marriage as a romantic institution founded on love is relatively new. For hundreds, arguably thousands of years (since marriage ceremonies were documented as early as 2350 B.C. in Mesopotamia), marriage existed primarily to establish strategic alliances between families.

Marriage was a practical fixture, usually having a lot to do with money.  » Read more

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