Don’t Talk Yourself Out of Deep, Meaningful Connection By Calling It Unrealistic

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There’s a meme I made a while back that I post from time to time. The lead-in caption reads, “When you’re making up with someone and they take responsibility for their part in the argument and you also take responsibility for yours.”

Beneath this lead-in is a photograph of actress Tatyana Ali in her role of Ashley Banks on the Fresh Prince of Bel Air.  » Read more

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What Are Love Maps?

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I tend to be a very intentional person. A planner. It’s probably why I became a psychological researcher in the first place. When I discovered there was a discipline already in place that tests our intuitions about each other and how the interpersonal world operates… well, it was frankly a huge relief.

I do a weekend series on this blog called “  » Read more

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I Wish I Didn’t Feel Like Having Deep Conversations Right Before Bed

a bald person wearing black pants and no shirt leaning against a wall in the darkness with a band of rainbow light falling across one side of their face
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I’ve been thinking about it for a couple of days. When I first started to worry, I thought maybe it would be a passing thought. A lot of things are. Most things are no big deal, and with time a concern seems silly.

But this one worry has persisted. And I’ve spent most of the day preceding thinking about it.  » Read more

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Why I Like Old Relationship Energy More Than New Relationship Energy

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I can still remember what my ex-husband said when we’d been dating each for a few months.

“I’m sad that the chase is over.”

I laughed at the time when he said it. Which he wasn’t fond of, because he was being serious (and he often interpreted laughter as hostile).

He went on to explain that his favorite parts of his past relationships had been in the courtship phase.  » Read more

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If You Hear People Say Something Mean About Your Friend, Should You Tell Them?

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It’s funny. People often have really strong opinions about what you’reĀ supposedĀ to do in social situations.

And for the most part, I find that there’s typically a lot of agreement here. But lately, I discovered an arena which is rather ambiguous.

You see, I had heard my whole life that if someone says something mean about your friend,  » Read more

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