Why It’s Hard to Get Advice When You’re Looking for Validation

an ice cream cone that has been dropped on the ground
Image by Steve Snodgrass / CC BY

After a protracted period of soul searching and agonizing, I decided to share my feelings with him. I thought about how to phrase it. And then I went for it.

And in response he offered, “For one, you feel like that with me, too, and still isn’t true there. For two, not much I could help with except to say that most people like that you’re a bit pushy with your feelings.  » Read more

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Why It Can Be Difficult to Trust People, Even When They Believe What They Say

The worth "truth" with a magnifying glass placed over the U in the word, showing that if you look closer, there are many "lies" underneath
Image by Pixabay / CC 0

The more you know about bias and how deeply it’s entrenched in our brains, the more it becomes truly difficult to trust other people. How they will treat us. If what they say to us is true…

Unfortunately, we’re all capable of saying untrue things, regardless of any moral commitment to truthfulness. Contrary to what a lot of people think,  » Read more

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Helping People Learn to Crochet During Nuclear Winter

a closeup of two hands crocheting a yellow flower out of yarn
Image by singlestitches / CC BY

“Look at the bright side,” I say to him. “When Roe v. Wade is overturned, you’ll be a hot piece of ass with your vasectomy and all.”

He cracks a smile. Chuckles. “You’re terrible,” he says.

“Maybe,” I say, “But you laughed.”

“I did indeed.”

It’s maybe not the best way to deal with the feeling that the world is ending any day now.  » Read more

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The Fine Art of Being Happy When Other People Aren’t

one yellow smiley face ball in a sea of blue sad face balls
Image by Pixabay / CC 0

Caring about other people’s happiness is often framed like a virtue.

Good people care that other people are happy. And they especially care that the ones they love are happy.

In fact, some would argue, whether you care about another person’s happiness could very well be what defines love.

The trouble with happiness is that it comes and goes as it pleases.  » Read more

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When Worrying, Remember You Don’t Get Credit for Time Served

a jail cell with the focus on the bars
Image by Neil Conway / CC BY

I’ll let you in on a little secret: There are times when no matter what you do, an issue is going to be ambiguous. You’re not necessarily going to get clarity or answers that satisfy you completely.

Maybe you’re worried that your partner doesn’t find you attractive anymore. And maybe you’ll find yourself embarking on a fact-finding mission.  » Read more

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You Can Date Your Friends, But Don’t Date All of Your Friends

the silhouettes of a few dozen people standing on a beach holding hands
Image by Pixabay / CC 0

Sometimes people ask me how I got into writing books about relationships, blogging for a large audience, giving advice.

People always seem to be hoping for some backstory in which I had some kind of grand vision. In which I shot forward with the unbridled determination of an activist and an ideologue for kink and non-monogamy.  » Read more

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