It’s So Easy to Get Your Own Thoughts & Feelings Mixed Up With Someone Else’s, for Better or Worse

a mop on a wood laminate floor
Image by Pixabay / CC 0

It’s Sunday morning. I’m wearing sweatpants, a T-shirt I don’t care about, and a head wrap that holds my hair out of my face. It’s not glamorous, but it’s functional. I’m dressed that way because I’ve been cleaning. Nothing major but the kind of light cleaning that doesn’t wait for a weekday to be done.  » Read more

Continue Reading

When You Ask Someone to Question One Thing, You May Be Asking Them to Question Everything

a small concrete building with graffiti on it. Graffiti says "Question Everything?" and "leave your baggage here. Also has some illegible words as well as a large spraypainted depiction of an eye
Image by Jon Evans / CC BY

Upon hearing that I’ve written three books about polyamory and maintain a popular daily blog that heavily (although not exclusively) focuses on consensual non-monogamy, most people assume I must be some kind of polyamory fanatic.

They presume that I jumped into non-monogamy vigorously, happily, excited as heck. That I was an exuberant polyamorist,  » Read more

Continue Reading

Why It’s Hard to Get Advice When You’re Looking for Validation

an ice cream cone that has been dropped on the ground
Image by Steve Snodgrass / CC BY

After a protracted period of soul searching and agonizing, I decided to share my feelings with him. I thought about how to phrase it. And then I went for it.

And in response he offered, “For one, you feel like that with me, too, and still isn’t true there. For two, not much I could help with except to say that most people like that you’re a bit pushy with your feelings.  » Read more

Continue Reading

Why It Can Be Difficult to Trust People, Even When They Believe What They Say

The worth "truth" with a magnifying glass placed over the U in the word, showing that if you look closer, there are many "lies" underneath
Image by Pixabay / CC 0

The more you know about bias and how deeply it’s entrenched in our brains, the more it becomes truly difficult to trust other people. How they will treat us. If what they say to us is true…

Unfortunately, we’re all capable of saying untrue things, regardless of any moral commitment to truthfulness. Contrary to what a lot of people think,  » Read more

Continue Reading

Helping People Learn to Crochet During Nuclear Winter

a closeup of two hands crocheting a yellow flower out of yarn
Image by singlestitches / CC BY

“Look at the bright side,” I say to him. “When Roe v. Wade is overturned, you’ll be a hot piece of ass with your vasectomy and all.”

He cracks a smile. Chuckles. “You’re terrible,” he says.

“Maybe,” I say, “But you laughed.”

“I did indeed.”

It’s maybe not the best way to deal with the feeling that the world is ending any day now.  » Read more

Continue Reading

The Fine Art of Being Happy When Other People Aren’t

one yellow smiley face ball in a sea of blue sad face balls
Image by Pixabay / CC 0

Caring about other people’s happiness is often framed like a virtue.

Good people care that other people are happy. And they especially care that the ones they love are happy.

In fact, some would argue, whether you care about another person’s happiness could very well be what defines love.

The trouble with happiness is that it comes and goes as it pleases.  » Read more

Continue Reading

When Worrying, Remember You Don’t Get Credit for Time Served

a jail cell with the focus on the bars
Image by Neil Conway / CC BY

I’ll let you in on a little secret: There are times when no matter what you do, an issue is going to be ambiguous. You’re not necessarily going to get clarity or answers that satisfy you completely.

Maybe you’re worried that your partner doesn’t find you attractive anymore. And maybe you’ll find yourself embarking on a fact-finding mission.  » Read more

Continue Reading
1 2 3 47