Tolkien’s chief wizard is emotional, wise, and powerful. Although aloof and at times a little arrogant, Gandalf possesses a deep insight and knowledge about the people around him. Magic isn’t the only thing he’s a wizard at. He’s superb at time management and work-life balance, having the emotional bandwidth to do things like tell gigantic flaming demons they cannot pass (seriously, » Read more
“You know, Page,” he says, “it seems like every time I turn around, I bump into someone who has just discovered the Love Languages framework, and they’re so excited about it.”
I nod. “I know what you mean. I can actually remember when I first heard of it about 10 years ago, » Read more
It’s a rough day. I wake up sick. Nauseated and in pain. My world spinning.
I text Justin as a heads up just to let him know. In case I get a migraine and develop temporary aphasia. It doesn’t happen every time I have a migraine, but perhaps three-quarters of the time when the blood vessels swell and press against my skull, » Read more
I’m learning a lot about myself from him. From looking at who I am through his eyes.
He has that kind of hypervigilance you only get after years of dating women who set traps. Who modify their behavior ever so slightly as a test, to see if you notice.
Like those silent bargains I’d make with God as a kid: “If you really exist, » Read more
While jealousy may be a very strong emotional signal, it’s not a very specific one. As I’ve written before, it’s easy to panic when you experience jealousy, but it’s very much like a check engine light: Jealousy tells you that something is amiss but not what, exactly. And certainly how serious the issue is or how to really fix it. » Read more
Folks who are in emotional crumple zones are the ones others worry the least about upsetting or hurting. Not because they don’t have feelings. And not because they don’t get hurt easily.
Indeed, many folks in the crumple zone are actually quite sensitive — to their own emotions and to the ones of those around them. » Read more
Have you ever considered, beloved other, how invisible we are to each other? We look at each other without seeing. We listen to each other and hear only a voice inside our self. The words of others are mistakes of our hearing, shipwrecks of our understanding. How confidently we believe OUR meanings of other people’s words. » Read more
I’ve been married twice, but until recently I had never been asked to be in a wedding that wasn’t my own. You could say I was always a bride, never a bridesmaid. But in the past few months, I received news that this is about to change.
First, I was asked to be a bridesmaid in what will arguably be one of the most polyamorous weddings I’ve ever been to, » Read more
Hi Page, how do you know it’s time to end a relationship? I know relationships take work, but sometimes I feel like I’m beating a dead horse.
Great question! This was a tricky distinction for me to master. For the longest time, I was really reluctant to break up with people (even when it made sense to) because I’d internalized the following scripts surrounding breakups:
“It’s funny,” she says. “One thing I really like about polyamory is that relationships just aren’t under the same amount of pressure. Love this person but you’d make terrible roommates? Okay, you don’t move in together. You both live with the people who are better nesting partners for you.”
“Or if one partner has really bland taste in food, » Read more