Last Night I Dreamed We Got Back Together

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Image by Pixabay / CC 0

Last night I dreamed we got back together. We were still us, but everything had changed. You’d forgiven me for what you thought you couldn’t. And I was just so relieved that you were talking to me again. I didn’t think past your forgiveness. I didn’t think about what would come next. The likelihood that we’d just slip into the same patterns that doomed us before.  » Read more

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The Supernormal Stimulus: Figuring Out What Matters Most to Your Partner & Doing It

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Image by Pixabay / CC 0

In the 90s, I lived with a wide variety of people. Sometimes I stayed with relatives, but other times I crashed at friends’ houses, friends who were still living with their parents, since their teenaged home lives were more conventional than my own.

At one house I crashed with college professors who had the world’s smallest,  » Read more

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Polyamory Helped Me Ditch Codependence and Find Healthy Interdependence

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Image by Chris Dart / CC BY

Codependence is an overused term implying that normal partner interdependence is somehow dysfunctional.

The concept and terminology came out of the Alcoholics Anonymous movement; the addicted were seen as trapped in a web of dependency with others (their enablers, or codependents) who made excuses for and assisted the addicts in avoiding the consequences of their addiction,  » Read more

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It’s Freeing to Do Your Own Thing, Even When You’re Very Committed to Someone Else

a white dinner plate that has salmon topped with dill, scallops topped with bacon, and asparagus spears on it
Image by Naotake Murayama / CC BY

Recently, my nesting partner Justin decided to switch over to a low-fat diet. Since I normally serve as the official meal planner for our house, it’s been a big project. Especially because left to my own devices, I typically have two personal eating modes: 1. Low Carb or 2. Eating Like I’m on Death Row.  » Read more

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What Relationship Deescalations Are and How They’re Different Than Breakups

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Image by Derek Bridges / CC BY

What’s deescalation? It sounds like you basically pulling back and becoming more distant from your partner. Is it basically a slow breakup as opposed to a quicker breakup?

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When we’re talking about relationships, deescalation can mean a variety of things. But essentially, deescalating a relationship means that you’re moving to become less entangled.  » Read more

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When It Comes to the Olympics of Love, I May Have Switched Sports

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Ro and I are having dinner. Talking about on-again, off-again relationships. Ones where the general shape of them look like a heartbeat on an EKG. A quick spasm of highs and lows, highs and lows.

“That’s not how mine look at all,” Ro says. She explains that hers are more of a line that goes up gradually but pretty much consistently.  » Read more

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My Number One Kink Is Direct Communication

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Image by Rachael Towne / CC BY

It’s been decades, but I still vividly remember my old elementary school. It was a brick building. Standing outside at recess, I’d often stare at those walls,  fascinated by the flaws in the blocks, the cracks and places where they were uneven. I was generally a talkative kid and often very social but occasionally I’d get overwhelmed.  » Read more

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Apparently Breakup Revenge Is a Thing, But Will It Make You Feel Better?

a wall covered with graffiti that reads "revenge is so 4th grade no more war!"
Image by Cliff Beckwith / CC BY

Hi Page, I was wondering what you think of this… 

She’s sent me links to several articles about “breakup revenge.”

“What?” I say aloud (even though I’m alone). “That’s a thing?”

I click through. And sure ’nuff, it’s a thing.

There are scads of how-to articles teaching people how to “get even”  » Read more

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