10 Times Gandalf Gave Excellent Relationship Advice

a Lego figurine of Gandalf the grey wizard, wearing a grey shirt, pants, and cape. With a long grey beard and a grey hat.
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Ahhhh, Gandalf…

Tolkien’s chief wizard is emotional, wise, and powerful. Although aloof and at times a little arrogant, Gandalf possesses a deep insight and knowledge about the people around him. Magic isn’t the only thing he’s a wizard at. He’s superb at time management and work-life balance, having the emotional bandwidth to do things like tell gigantic flaming demons they cannot pass (seriously,  » Read more

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A Sigh Can Set Off a Conflict As Easily as the Words We Choose to Say

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I’m learning a lot about myself from him. From looking at who I am through his eyes.

He has that kind of hypervigilance you only get after years of dating women who set traps. Who modify their behavior ever so slightly as a test, to see if you notice.

Like those silent bargains I’d make with God as a kid: “If you really exist,  » Read more

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I’ve Made a Conscious Decision Not to Prize the Squeaky Wheel Over the One With Quieter Problems

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Folks who are in emotional crumple zones are the ones others worry the least about upsetting or hurting. Not because they don’t have feelings. And not because they don’t get hurt easily.

Indeed, many folks in the crumple zone are actually quite sensitive — to their own emotions and to the ones of those around them.  » Read more

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Apparently You’re Not Supposed to Invite Exes to Your Wedding. Oops.

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I’ve been married twice, but until recently I had never been asked to be in a wedding that wasn’t my own. You could say I was always a bride, never a bridesmaid. But in the past few months, I received news that this is about to change.

First, I was asked to be a bridesmaid in what will arguably be one of the most polyamorous weddings I’ve ever been to,  » Read more

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4 Clear Signs It’s Time to End Your Relationship

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Hi Page, how do you know it’s time to end a relationship? I know relationships take work, but sometimes I feel like I’m beating a dead horse. 

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Great question! This was a tricky distinction for me to master. For the longest time, I was really reluctant to break up with people (even when it made sense to) because I’d internalized the following scripts surrounding breakups:

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People Dread Breakups, But I Wouldn’t Want to Date Without Them

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Image by Caleb Wagoner / CC BY

“It’s funny,” she says. “One thing I really like about polyamory is that relationships just aren’t under the same amount of pressure. Love this person but you’d make terrible roommates? Okay, you don’t move in together. You both live with the people who are better nesting partners for you.”

“Or if one partner has really bland taste in food,  » Read more

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