When Things Change, It’s Sometimes Hard to Sense the Direction
Looking at photographs taken at twilight, I can never tell if it’s sunrise or sunset. Not sure if this is just me.
Looking at photographs taken at twilight, I can never tell if it’s sunrise or sunset. Not sure if this is just me.
“It’s time that you gave yourself a chance. We all trust you so much. You should trust yourself too. We want that for you.”
“You know how you always want more for the people you love?” he says. “We want that for you, too.”
I sigh. I can piece together what he’s saying, connect the dots, and understand how it makes logical sense. But it’s so hard for me to feel it.
Maybe temporarily lowered expectations is a form of self-love I can actually get behind. Not the self-aggrandizing kind of self-love where I think I’m all that and a bag of chips or can do no wrong. But one where I can extend a little grace to myself when I’m struggling, allow myself a slower day without guilt. A self-love where I can trust myself to catch up later on the slack I’ve cut myself.
As long-time readers of the blog might know, I play a fair amount of video games. I have for most of my life. But I’m not very good at most of them.
“This is such a weird time,” I write to a friend. It’s at least the sixth time I’ve written that — or something like it
I routinely wander into social situations where people see my conventional physical appearance, assume I’m a Karen, and start showing their baser selves to me.
“Can I date while I’m still healing?” she asks.
“Yes,” I say. “In fact, it’s almost guaranteed that you will date while you’re still healing.”
I find myself wondering if I’ll one day be able to look back on this time and edit it into something cohesive, something presentable. Or if it’ll remain one thing that evades meaning-making.
Today’s article is a guest post by frequent Poly.Land contributor Fluffy about what they’ve learned from two of the worst years of their life.
Poly.Land is a daily posting site for polyamory, ambiamory, relationship advice, psychology, writing, and more.
Poly.Land is produced by Braided Studios, LLC.
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