PQ 16.3 — What does fairness mean to me? How does this affect the way I make choices and interact with my partners?
Something important I had to learn a while back: While some people may use them interchangeably, fair and equal are different things.
Parents run into this all the time when parenting multiple children. » Read more
PQ 16.2 — Do I take responsibility for my choices, or do I expect my partners to make them for me?
What a question. That was my reflexive reaction to reading it: What a question.
I showed this one to a friend of mine, and their verbatim reaction was also “What a question.” » Read more
PQ 16.1 — When my partners have competing desires, how well do I express what I need? Do I make sure my own desires aren’t lost in the shuffle?
There’s a certain kind of story I grew up believing: No sacrifice was too great for love. In fact, my own personal picture of love required a large sacrifice. » Read more
PQ 15.6 — How do I leave space for new people to come into my life?
This question reminds me of a guest post I featured last year by Fluffy titled “Being Single Sucks, But We Don’t Want to Hear About It.” In that post, » Read more
PQ 15.5 — How do I define “commitment”? Do my definitions leave room for nontraditional commitments and nontraditional relationship trajectories?
Here is a good example of commitment, drawn from an earlier piece:
I walked a mile in the bitter cold to get him DayQuil while he was buried up to his neck in covers, » Read more
PQ 15.4 — What do I need from my relationships? How often do I reevaluate my needs?
It’s taken a long time for me to get a handle on what exactly I need from my relationships. But I think I’ve finally pinpointed where real compatibility lies:
Shared values. » Read more
PQ 15.3 — What assumptions do I make about commitments in my relationships?
We’re often blind to our own assumptions, at least until someone else points them out to us.
As I wrote in response to an earlier question in this series, PQ 1.6:
Commitment is many things. » Read more
PQ 15.2 — When am I open to taking new partners?
I’ve recently become polysaturated, for the first time in an awfully long time.
But prior to this, I’ve literally spent years being open to taking new partners — and yet doing so only fairly infrequently.
In some ways, » Read more
PQ 15.1 –What are my existing commitments? How much time do they leave for new partners?
“How do you manage it all?” she says. “You’re dating three people. And you work a lot. You’re always writing.”
“I’m definitely full up right now,” » Read more
PQ 14.10 — Is this agreement serving the people involved, or are the people serving it?
He’s just gotten done telling me about his relationship agreement. Complaining, really. About what he doesn’t like about it. And there’s a lot.
“I get where you’re coming from,” I say. “Have you talked to your partners about changing your relationship agreement?” » Read more