PQ 18.3 — Am I prepared to face uncomfortable feelings such as jealousy, insecurity and fear about my partner’s loyalty and to put in the work required to overcome them?
“And what do you think makes someone a bad fit for polyamory?” she asks me.
The question catches me off guard. » Read more
PQ 18.2 — Do I enjoy time to myself or without my partner? Do I have hobbies I enjoy alone or with others, and a social life that does not rely on my partner?
Having Time To Myself
In spite of the fact that I’m a polyamorous extrovert (labels that when combined scream “people person”), » Read more
PQ 18.1 — Why do I identify as monogamous? Is it because I only want one partner for myself, or because I want my partner to be only with me, or both?
While sometimes we tend to treat monogamy like a unitary concept, it’s important to note that there are typically two separate desires driving a person’s preference to be monogamous:
- Not wanting to share a partner with other lovers.
» Read more
PQ 17.6 — Where does my sense of security come from in my relationships? What am I willing to do to help my partners feel secure, and will those things come at a cost to any new relationships I may start?
“Remind me again: How many plans do you have in case I kick you out?” » Read more
PQ 17.5 — As I seek new relationships, what guarantees can I offer my new partners that I will make space for them, listen to their needs, and be able to change to accommodate these new relationships?
Once upon a time, I was terrified of change. I’d been through enough of it in my life, » Read more
PQ 17.4 — How much space do I have to devote to new relationships right now?
Reasonably? Hmm… As of this writing, I’m fresh off a breakup. With that relationship in the picture, I was polysaturated but not feeling overloaded or strained. So now that it’s over, » Read more
PQ 17.3 — What guarantees do I want from my relationships? Are they realistic?
There is no such thing as a lover’s oath.
“You know,” he says. “The way you’ve been acting lately, it really worries me.”
“Oh?” I say. » Read more
PQ 17.2 — What parts of my relationships are most important? How can I preserve those elements while knowing that my relationships will change over time?
There’s a kind of rhythm to my life with Justin. We move in tandem. Pretty much effortlessly. We sleep in the same bed, eat most meals together. » Read more
PQ 17.1 — What assumptions do I have about what my relationships “should” look like? How are these assumptions influenced by the cultural narratives about monogamy, and how much are they truly mine?
Assumptions are often hidden to us, and as such, they’re easier seen in hindsight, after we don’t have them anymore. » Read more
PQ 16.11 — How do I handle my own feelings of jealousy?
I’ve written quite a bit about the ways I’ve found to productively deal with jealousy. Recently, I put out this article, which is a good overview/summary of the best approach I’ve discovered.
Since I have the how-to covered (for now at least, » Read more