I’ve been doing a lot of reading over the last few months, including lots of your writings, and the more I read on the topic of poly, the more it has started making sense to me.
When I first joined FetLife and met my Dom, I thought I was 100% monogamous. » Read more
I really enjoyed your recent post on viewing monogamy and polyamory as a spectrum. It made me realize I don’t know a lot about mono/poly. What are some common reasons people are in mono/poly relationships? Can it work? Can it be fair? Or does the monogamous person just suffer all the time? » Read more
Mono/poly relationships (i.e., pairings in which one partner is monogamous and the other is polyamorous) are famously difficult.
While there are many factors, we do ourselves no favors by viewing monogamy and polyamory as polar opposites rather than as points on the same spectrum.
Consider this: It’s difficult to find a workable middle between two things if you’re convinced that one can’t possibly exist. » Read more
Last week we published “9 Things Monogamists Can Learn From Polyamory.” In that piece, we stated that both monogamy and polyamory have benefits. And that the best relationships combine aspects of each to form “the best of both worlds.”
We meant that. While we talk more about non-monogamy on this website, » Read more
Most people who haven’t been polyamorous assume it’s difficult because you have learn to share your partner. And while this is true for many people, for me the hardest part was how much I shared myself.
Because one of the things I struggled with most when I began to practice polyamory was feeling like having multiple partners meant that I was shortchanging them. » Read more
As polyamory increases in popularity and new evidence emerges that non-monogamy can be a viable and satisfying way to conduct relationships, it’s tempting to pit monogamy versus polyamory in a boxing match. However, both relationship styles have benefits. And the best relationships combine aspects of each to form “the best of both worlds.” » Read more
The task we must set for ourselves is not to feel secure, but to be able to tolerate insecurity.
“Never took you as someone who would be polyamorous,” she says.
“Oh,” I say. “Why’s that?”
“Well, normally I wouldn’t say this, » Read more
Page, in your post on conflict resolution styles you forgot one thing about Collaborating. In my opinion: There’s not always a win-win solution. Like. I don’t think in that situation it automatically becomes Compromising. It’s just a conflict that can’t be resolved in a collaborative way.
It’s one of those drawbacks no one wants to believe is real. » Read more
PQ 5.7 — Are the choices I make in alignment with these values [the values that are most important in myself and others]?
For the most part, I do a pretty okay job making choices that are consistent with my values. This is a good thing as it causes me a fair bit of distress whenever I depart from my values. » Read more
You Can’t Un-Learn a Thing
Once upon a time, I hadn’t even heard of the word “polyamory.” But when a friend came out to me as polyamorous, that changed forever.
You can’t un-learn a thing.
It was a paradigm shift. I no longer saw a strict binary: Monogamy/non-monogamy. With monogamy, as the ideal goal, » Read more