To Make Mono/Poly Easier, View Monogamy and Polyamory as a Spectrum, Not a Binary

A venn diagram up above a cityscape. One of the circles says "yes," the other says "no." The overlap between the two is labeled "me."
Image by Terminals & Gates / CC BY

Mono/poly relationships (i.e., pairings in which one partner is monogamous and the other is polyamorous) are famously difficult.

While there are many factors, we do ourselves no favors by viewing monogamy and polyamory as polar opposites rather than as points on the same spectrum.

Consider this: It’s difficult to find a workable middle between two things if you’re convinced that one can’t possibly exist.  » Read more

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Monogamy or Polyamory: Feeling Special as an Only Child or in a Big Family

a bunch of purple grapes with one green one
Image by Giacomo Da Ros / CC BY

Most people who haven’t been polyamorous assume it’s difficult because you have learn to share your partner. And while this is true for many people, for me the hardest part was how much I shared myself.

Because one of the things I struggled with most when I began to practice polyamory was feeling like having multiple partners meant that I was shortchanging them.  » Read more

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9 Things Monogamists Can Learn From Polyamory

3 white candy hearts on a white background speckled with with fuschia and navy blue dots
Image by Coralie Ferreira / CC BY

As polyamory increases in popularity and new evidence emerges that non-monogamy can be a viable and satisfying way to conduct relationships, it’s tempting to pit monogamy versus polyamory in a boxing match. However, both relationship styles have benefits. And the best relationships combine aspects of each to form “the best of both worlds.”  » Read more

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Ask Page: Dead Bedrooms, No Win-Win?

two separate beds with a lamp in the middle and paintings hanging on the wall
Image by Roberto Ferrito / CC BY

Page, in your post on conflict resolution styles you forgot one thing about Collaborating. In my opinion: There’s not always a win-win solution. Like. I don’t think in that situation it automatically becomes Compromising. It’s just a conflict that can’t be resolved in a collaborative way.

It’s one of those drawbacks no one wants to believe is real.  » Read more

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A Single Yankee in King Arthur’s Relationship Web: Single and Surrounded by Poly People

a weathered sign that reads "welcome to Camelot," the land of King Arthur
Image by Gareth Judge / CC BY

Today’s post is a guest blog post from my dear friend John. This basically came about because I was chasing the poor guy around and going, “You should write a post for my blog. It’s gotta be super weird being a mono guy surrounded by poly people.”

“Well, more like single,” John would say.  » Read more

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Toxic Monogamy, Why Mono/Poly (and Poly) is Hard

a cannister with the image of a man wearing a gas mask spray painted onto it
Image by eggrole / CC BY

Mono/poly relationships, i.e., a relationship between a partner who is monogamous and one who is polyamorous, are notoriously difficult. Traditional poly blogger wisdom points the finger at both parties having to compromise and feeling somewhat shortchanged. The difference between the relationship structures is to blame for the trouble, they write. But I think it’s even simpler than that.  » Read more

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