“I’m a Polyamorous Person Who Keeps Compromising by Having Monogamous Relationships & Feeling Bad. Why?”

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I’m a polyamorous person that keeps ending up in relationships with monogamous people. Then I compromise and feel wrong, unseen, miserable, and wish to stay polyamorous solo. Then it happens again. Why?


This is an interesting question, letter writer. To be perfectly honest, you didn’t give me a lot to work with here.  » Read more

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What 8 Months of COVID Lockdown Have Taught Me About Toxic (and Non-Toxic) Monogamy

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This has been an awfully strange year for me. Since the middle of March, I’ve seen no one else in person aside from my live-in partner and the occasional delivery driver (both of us masked). The only person I’ve been unmasked around has been my live-in partner.

These are the perfect conditions for the kind of insularity that can threaten a bond,  » Read more

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I Thought I Was Monogamous. I Was Actually Obsessive.

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I’ve written about it many times, but I’m very different from a lot of people who write prominently about consensual non-monogamy. Probably the most striking difference is that I’m more ambiamorous than polyamorous. What do I mean by that? I essentially mean that I’m about equally as happy being in a monogamous relationship as I am being in a polyamorous relationship system.  » Read more

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For Better or Worse, I Don’t Have Rah Rah Polyamory Pom Poms

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“What I’ve always liked about you,” she tells me, “is that you’re not one of those people who whip out your rah rah polyamory pom poms.”

“Thanks,” I say. “I think.”

“I mean it as a compliment,” she continues. “Like… you’re definitely supportive of polyamory — and other forms of consensual non-monogamy —  » Read more

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Advice Friend: Polyamorous Couples Where One Partner Is Ace

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My partner and I are happily married, and have been doing some relationship introspection. Have you ever come across or heard about a successful married relationship where one partner is polyamorous while the other is on the Ace spectrum?


A few quick clarifications for readers who might want/need them before I answer today’s question:

Ace/ace = shorthand for asexual

allosexual = not on the asexual spectrum and/or not asexual

Personal disclosure: I am allosexual,  » Read more

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The Reasons Nobody Gets to Be a Dating “Expert”

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“So what do you do for a living?” they asked me.

“I’m a writer,” I said.

“Ohhh,” they replied. “What sorts of things do you write?”

Everyone always asks this question. It’s interesting to me how reliable this is. Back when I held a variety of other jobs, I found that followup questions were rare.  » Read more

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Why Non-Toxic Monogamy Is a Beautiful Thing & Why Yes = No, No = Yes

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Even though I run a site called Poly.Land, sometimes people are surprised to find out that these days I don’t consider myself to be primarily polyamorous per se — but ambiamorous.

I’ve written about ambiamory many times on this site, for example:

To Make Mono/Poly Easier, View Monogamy and Polyamory as a Spectrum,  » Read more

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What Is Functional Monogamy?

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Hi Page,

I’ve seen you use the term “functional monogamy” several times in your writing now. I think I know what it means, but I’m not sure. Care to explain? What is functional monogamy?


Basically, functional monogamy is a term that describes the behavior of a person having one romantic and/or sexual partner at a time.  » Read more

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