Cultivating Compersion Can Be a Helpful Distraction from the Pain of Tackling Jealousy and Insecurity.

a black and white photo of one person with their hands on someone's unclothed back
Image by zaphodsotherhead / CC BY

“Ugh,” I say.

“You okay?” he says.

“Yeah, my neck just hurts.” I rub the sore muscle, frowning. “No biggie. It happens sometimes.”

“Oh, mind if I help you with that?” he asks. “I can do a release.”

I’ve seen his training certificate on the wall. That he knows what he’s doing when it comes to massage therapy.   » Read more

Continue Reading

9 Steps for Having an Accountability Talk with a Partner When Things Go Wrong

It's a yellow poster board paper. In the center in large letters is the word "Accountability." It also says (moving from top left and moving clockwise): "stay on course," "walk the walk," "reflect and grow," "consequences," "This dog has teeth!" "be real - not fake," "stand and deliver," and "keep your commitments"
Image by United Workers / CC BY

In “Poly Road Testing for Responsible Travelers,” I covered a few things you can do before you open up your relationship that’ll make it go a little more smoothly.

I’ve also previously written about best practices for negotiating polyamorous relationship agreements as well as how to manage things if you find that you need to renegotiate your relationship agreement (a very common scenario once the agreement has been “road tested”).   » Read more

Continue Reading

Distressed by Another’s Jealousy: How to Deal With Guilt From Hurting a Partner

a very sad looking character made of marshmallows. they have little hands made from white thumbtacks.
Image by Maryam Abdulghaffar / CC BY

I enjoy and follow your writings and the recent one about how to know your partner is jealous and not just inventing a concern reminded me that I’ve been trying to find some info on how to deal with it when a partner is jealous.

More specifically, how do I not have anxious and guilty feelings,  » Read more

Continue Reading

Polyamory Toolbox: The Good Roommate Standard

2 long-haired black and white cats sitting on a sofa. the one on the left looks sleepy/satisfied, the one on the right is staring straight ahead, with a curious expression on its face
Image by Isaac Wedin / CC BY

When I opened up a relationship that had been monogamous for 8 years, I was prepared to feel jealous. But what I wasn’t prepared for? The radical shift in my thinking about that relationship. We both became much more autonomous. And it was a large adjustment getting used to our increased autonomy.

Prior to discovering polyamory,  » Read more

Continue Reading

Poly Road Testing for Responsible Travelers

an old black and white photo of a couple standing in front of a car with a trailer attached, vintage travelers
Image by Janice Waltzer / CC BY

So You Want to Open Your Relationship, What Next?

I had read all about New Relationship Energy (NRE) before diving in to polyamory. Those new, shiny feelings that happen when you first start dating someone. When your partner feels NRE for someone new, it can be deeply terrifying. Especially when you’re new to polyamory and in a relationship that was previously monogamous and not yet Poly Road Tested.  » Read more

Continue Reading