The trouble with lacking healthy boundaries is that you can get away without having them for a long time. And when I say a long time, I mean a REALLY long time. We’re talking decades.
If you’re a doormat or a people pleaser, you didn’t become one overnight. You grew into this from your social environment, » Read more
It’s a sad fact of life that we fall apart in front of those we feel safest with.
We keep it together in front of the boss, but when we get home from the office, we break into tears and snap at our love(s) about dinner not being ready. Or it’s their day to fall apart, » Read more
If I am already in a relationship, does my desire for others come from my dissatisfaction or unhappiness with my current relationship? If I were in a relationship that met my needs, would I still want multiple partners?
I addressed this in an earlier essay I wrote called “Needy” » Read more
Poly Question 1.6
How do I define commitment? Is it possible for me to commit to more than one person at a time, and if so, what would those commitments look like?
“There is no such thing as a lover’s oath.”
From “Worse is Better and Better, » Read more
“That reminds me of someone I used to date who…”
I used to do this so often that Seth and Megan got so they could anticipate when it was about to happen. I’d get this look on my face, nostalgic with a little thrill, as though a memory had been sparked back to life. » Read more
Poly Question 1.5
How important is transparency to me? If I have more than one lover, am I happy with them knowing about each other? If they have other lovers, am I happy knowing them?
The importance of transparency for me is very context dependent.
Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell Sucks
I could never have an ongoing romantic relationship with someone who would not meet Skyspook. » Read more
Poly Question 1.4
What do I want from my romantic life? Am I open to multiple sexual relationships, romantic relationships, or both? If I want more than one lover, what degree of closeness and intimacy do I expect, and what do I offer? » Read more
Poly Question 1.3
How important is my desire for multiple romantic relationships?
I don’t know that I desire multiple romantic relationships. Rather, they just sort of keep happening to me, a natural byproduct of remaining open to meaningful connections with the world outside of myself, which, frankly, includes a lot of people. » Read more
Poly Question 1.2
Do I feel there can be only one “true” love or one “real” soulmate?
“Do I contradict myself? Very well, then I contradict myself, I am large, I contain multitudes.”
-Walt Whitman, “Song of Myself”
At 8 years old, » Read more
Photo by usfwsnortheast /CC BY
Poly Question 1.1
Have I ever felt romantic love for more than one person at the same time?
A beam of light pierced me through the van window, and I came to, suddenly. The sun had shifted in the early morning hours, » Read more